Her Hidden Half (War Songs of the Courts #1)

Chapter Thirty-two

I looked at myself in the mirror, my eyes blank as my mind continued to try to puzzle things together. Alaisdair, the Council, the King, Demetri, the Courts, me. Nothing about this situation made much sense. It was as if several of the most essential pieces had been removed from the box before I started putting them together, making the end result unidentifiable.

My jaw clenched and my brow came together in a picture of frustration as I looked my back at myself.

Knowing how much I loathed dresses, Alec had brought me a suit the night before. When I had tried it on, I was surprised to find how perfectly it fit, hugging all the right curves and flaring out exactly where it needed to. I didn't think much of it at first, Alec was on the thinner side even with his muscles and I tended to fill out whatever I wore, but when he brought out a pair of shiny black shoes in my exact size, I knew he had got it all especially for me.

I had brought my eyes up to his and tilted my head in question, lifting a shoe with a 'we so do not wear the same size in shoes' look.

He simply shrugged and said, "I couldn't let you show up in jeans and a t-shirt, I just couldn't. It was more for my benefit than yours, if you think about it."

From the look on his face, it was clear he expected me to argue with him but I let it go after a hug and maybe smothering him with a couple dozen obnoxious kisses.

My face relaxed at the memory and a small smile quirked my mouth.

I let my eyes travel down from my face to the outfit I adored. The jet black jacket of the suit was the only thing I wore on my torso, leaving a good amount of creamy pale skin and cleavage showing, making me consider a bra for the second time before shrugging off the thought. It was a risk, one wrong move and it would be a disaster, but I was never a person who did anything safely.

Whatever happens, happens. Ya' know?

I felt something drip down my top lip and I wiped it away, thinking I had a runny nose. I reached to grab a tissue and froze at the sight of the scarlet red blood painted across the back of my hand, cold dread stabbing me in my chest. I looked up at my reflection with wide eyes and let out a shaky breath. My heart raced in my chest as the sight of blood smeared across of my face, dripping down my chin met me. I turned on the faucet with shaky hands and cupped my hands under the water, letting it gather in my palms. Leaning over the sink, I watched drops of my crimson blood turn into a diluted pink in the water as they washed down the drain, my head feeling lighter as the seconds passed.

I washed my face with water until it was clean of blood and quickly plugged my nose with tissues, trying to slow my panicked breathing. My limbs trembled from the adrenaline of fear that coursed through me as I lowered myself onto the floor. I settled my head in between my knees and gasped through the raw terror that seized my heart.

I felt it in my gut, the instinctual feeling that I didn't have much time left. Everything hurt lately; my skin, my muscles, my bones. Everything. And if it didn't hurt, it ached, a dulled symptom of what was happening.

Demetri's promise rang in my ears and I clung to it even as a the most prominent part of me warned the more desperate, hopeful side of me not to get my hopes up for something that wasn't guaranteed.

Desperation for hope won out, swatting away the annoying, cynical thoughts that crowded it like an annoying buzz in it's ear. I couldn't think about the negative right now, so I would settle for plugging my ears and singing a optimistic tune, ignoring the weary part of me that sat back, shaking her head at my willful ignorance.

Gradually, my breathing evened out and my heart slowed, allowing me to pick myself up on unsteady legs. My nose stopped bleeding sometime during my episode of panic, allowing relief to fill my lungs as I leaned forward on the bathroom counter top with my hands, head hanging down as I collected myself.