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"JESSICA WHITE!"
Ugh. Motherfucking asshole.
I got up from my all purple bed and yawned, making a face in my mirror because I wouldn't be able to do so when I go out.
Oh, I'm sorry for the lack of introduction. Silly me!
Hello, motherfuckers. I am Jessica White. The last virgin standing in Jacksonville High School. All the others have already slept with our school's bad boy Hunter Black.
Too bad he is my step-brother or I would be his latest contest and then this would make a very original plot!
"JESSICA WHITE -- WAKE THE FCUK UP BEFORE I COME AND MAKE YOU!"
Yes. I hear you, asshole.
"YES, DADDY! SORRY I WAS PRAYING TO JESUS--" To give me patience so I don't fucking shoot you, "FOR YOUR HEALTH"
I hope you die.
"Oh, alright, Sweetheart. Well, come down for breakfast. Your mother is slaving away for the family as usual while I read Playboy behind a boring newspaper and look busy!"
"Yes, Daddy!"
I got up from my bed and put on my fluffy white slippers to go to the bathroom. Hunter was standing in front of the mirror, plucking his eyebrows.
What?
Did you think he got his contests with bushy eyebrows?
In fact, he did my eyebrows as well.
I smiled at him, making him grin at me before he left the washroom so I could use it.
See, this was the perk of fooling everyone that you are a fluffy bunny goody-two-shoes when in reality if the Purge came to exist in real life, I'd probably shoot everyone.
Urgh, humans.
Venus was much better. At least on my planet, I could shoot people who annoyed me and not go to jail but ever since I came to earth on UFO 69, I've had to practice a lot of self-restraint to not kill anyone.
Well, except for the real Jessica White. My God. She was one whiny bitch.
Too good, she's six foot under.
I quickly turned on the tap and banged a few things around so it looked like I was a normal human being who peed and pooed and brushed her teeth. You know what I mean. Just because you don't talk about it, doesn't mean you don't do it.
You filthy human.
Muggle.
Clicking my fingers, I was immediately transformed into a fresh as a daisy barbie doll who dressed modestly but still looked sexy enough to have girls question their sexual preference.
Apparating to the kitchen with my purple Gucci bag, I gave a kiss to my mother who smiled at me lovingly and a kiss to my dad who burped.
Hunter was getting into his fuckboy persona so I left him alone in case he thought I wasn't his sister or something.
