the beginning of the end started with a conversation. despite it being a month ago, lyle still remembers it so clearly - painfully clearly. that moment when he felt it, when he felt it in his gut. he knew something was going to go wrong - he just never knew the scale at which his life would ultimately begin it's downward spiral.
prior to this conversation, there'd been fights, arguments, days where stubbornness would filter out conversation and pride would enhance miscommunication, however it was not enough to make this even cross lyle's mind.
they'd been in the living room, the aftermath of a fight from the previous day still resonated in the air, wounds still healing. he had a mug of instant coffee in his hand. he was watching the steam evaporate into the air, however he was more focused on watching kai. kai was sitting on the sofa beside him, their hips pressed together but his shoulder was missing the presence of kai's head that was usually nestled there.
suddenly, kai had sat up and turned to face lyle, his eyes downcast and hands slightly shaking. he had frowned, reaching out and placing his hand on kai's shoulder.
"what is it? what's wrong kai?"
he'd sighed before looking back up, stormy eyes glazed with tears and and bottom lip trembling; his hands balled into fists.
"I just- I don't think this is right."
lyle's world had begun to shatter then.
"what do you mean?"
"I mean... all this fighting and arguing lyle, I don't think I can stand it. we aren't right for each other, we were better before all this."
"are you- a-are you saying w-what I think you're saying?"
"I think we should be just friends."
lyle had felt his heart simultaneously be impaled, set alight and torn apart, yet he held in tears and tried to ignore his shaking frame as he forced a smile on his lips. he wouldn't let himself break but, also, he just couldn't believe this was actually real, not some sick and twisted dream. he swallows the lump in his throat, unaware that he's swallowing his heart also.
"just friends again, sure, how hard can it be?"
very fucking hard when you're still in love, lyle thinks to himself now, bitterness and sadness twisting inside of him like shards of ice.
he looks to his left where, behind that paper thin wall, lies kai martin; his ex boyfriend yet current heartbreak. he wonders if kai ever even thinks about them anymore, if his mind ever drags him back to what once was, or pulls him into a vision of what could have been. he wonders if kai's mind ever tortures him like his own one does.
sighing, lyle closes his eyes and lies back on their - his bed, however he can't seem to find comfort within his four pillows and duvet;
the bed is just too big for only one.
I hope you enjoy this book, thanks for reading so far and I hope to update soon ^-^