I am a person, male to be honest and life on earth, in america can be difficult. I've have no job, searching for one has been difficult and not all the time you'll get hired when you get an interview. Point is, I think I got it bad, not bad like I'm homeless and out on the street needing to beg, and besides if I'm going to need to beg, all I need do is become a street performer. It's more of me being Jobless, nineteen and living in my parents place. Now that I think about it, I'm nineteen, though the fact I still has me dropping into worse feelings. Either way, I constantly think I'm worthless and inadequate for life, it hangs over me and hits me when I'm alone so people won't notice. Most of the time I just wanna die from time to time, and the most I've ever felt relieved of this feeling is when I'm with my friends and having fun. Today was one of those days where I go to visit my former college's lounge and hangout. I went home like normal taking the train, but like that, one of my fears came to life. I was pushed, there's a yellow line at subway in which you don't in order to not get hit by fast moving metal that is the train. Instead of being inches away like people are supposed to be the one at center city has this one big wall like support going all across the station with stars attach on both sides. So if you wanted to take a walk around the thing you would have to walk around the edge of the wall, and sometimes I come close to the yellow line during said walks. With every time, I had a fear that someone would just come and push me and I'd just fall, now it would be okay since the train takes time to get to the station. In that time, you would have enough time to climb back onto the station and beat the hot dog piss out of the person who pushed you. The thing is I was pushed into the train while it was pulling into the station, meaning it was trying to stop already. But I walk close enough to the end of the station, that the train is just pulling in and just starting to stop. SO instead of taking minor injuries from a fall in the train tracks, I'm run into by a train moving almost at max speed for its own weight. Essentially, I've just been killed by some random dude. though my life flashes before my eyes like a movie, I look at my killer to see a guy in a suit, brown, short hair and then darkness. I guess there was a light I'd say soon after, I'm sure being dead messes with someone's sense of both space and time, since when you die everything you should feel goes blank as well. In the light I feel something of a body as I float upward or I believe I'm floating? In general, all see is lights and I'm just moving along with them, I have no idea what's going on. Though while in this light, a LOT of things occur to me, I've died. There are people who I know will cry for me, then there are the things I wanted to do or never finished like my novels. Well, good luck to the people I considered family. I continued to float for sometime, I think? This dead thing still hasn't hit me as hard as I thought it would. With all this floating, I think I'm being reincarnated, but I still remember so much from my life, I don't get this at all. Within the next moment, the light ends and I'm being held by this man whom I officially confirm could be either my father or doctor. Either way, I've been reborn into a new body with memories on how life worked.