Into hiding (a sequel for Time and Again)

Chapter 17: a toast on bad memories

Talon:

We invited Kayla to Christmas dinner with us since she didn't have anywhere else to go. By the time we got to desert, the topic of discussion eventually turned to past missions and funny stories.

"Oh man, remember when Talon pretended to be one of our agents?" Said Kayla, and I immediately started feeling uncomfortable.

"Yeah, it's all in the past though." Penny replied, wanting to spare me, but Kayla didn't catch the hint.

"The thing is that I didn't expect you two to get along so well. Especially after how he betrayed you." I could feel her reaching for my hand but I was tensing up.

Stay calm.

"I mean, look at the way you just dropped the past and fell in love! It's remarkable." At this point, I couldn't take it anymore. My blood was boiling beneath my skin, so I stood up abruptly and excused myself.

I left and went for someplace quiet, my head a storm filled with painful memories. I found myself moving for the apartment's studio, so I went inside and hung up a punchbag to let off some steam.

I started punching the pain away. Memories of his merciless hand flooded my thoughts and his words echoed through my head, and I punched harder everytime it came back.

I pretended that the punchbag was that asshole in a way that I could return every single kick and punch he ever gave me, even though I knew that was never going to happen.

The universe doesn't work that way, and the vengeful never aspire to something greater. Besides, he's dead now.

I killed him, didn't I?

I tossed my christmas sweater over my head and onto the floor, and continued punching until my knuckles hurt.

"Seems like a good time for a workout." Penny said from the doorway. I stopped punching and leaned against the bag, huffing for breath.

"It helps me relax. It's like a distraction, keeping the past at bay. I don't want to remember, but somehow it keeps coming back, again and again and again." I punched again and sunk to my knees, tears forming in my eyes.

I felt a hand between my shoulder blades, and I allowed her calmness to flow through me. "It's not your fault." She said softly. "Yes, it is. I chose to do all those MAD missions willingly."

"You were just following orders. And you already apologised for it. It doesn't matter anymore." She said and came to crouch before me. "Wishful thinking doesn't get us anywhere, Talon."

"That's true, but I can't stop myself from wishing for some things to never have happened." I looked into the palms of my hands and saw the old scars that he made on me. "I wish I had run away sooner. I wish I had stood up to him. I wish I was never your enemy." I said as the tears finally slipped from my eyes.

"And I wish you'd see that I don't care. I don't care about your decisions in the past. I don't care that we were enemies, because even though we were, we fell for each other anyway."

"It still doesn't stop the past from being a miserable blur of failure and abuse."

"Yes, the past sucked. But it wasn't all bad, because good came out of it too. You got the chance to become an HQ agent and fight by my side. You got the chance to rediscover yourself as a person. We got to fell in love.

I don't care about the mistakes you made in the past because I care about what you choose to do today. You can't run from your past but you can learn from it. That's what you did. You rose up and stood your ground for what you knew was right. And that's one of many reasons why I love you."

I pulled her close to me and rested my head against her core, folding my arms around her waist. I breathed in her scent and allowed it to calm me, and I melted into the feeling of her fingers running through my hair and her soft lips pressed to my forehead.

"I don't know how but it's like I fell in love with you all over again."

"I love you too. Now come on, we have a dinner party to get back to."