Worries and Unwanted Visitors. Part 30

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16th October 2017 All Rights Reserved. ( I had to come back and do a little editing)

Not Edited.

Fai's POV...

Walking along the side of the river with Rem walking next to me was an experience I was not expecting. Neither of us saying anything for a few moments until we sat ourselves down on the bench that was under the shade of a tree and overlooked the water that was gently flowing along the river in front of us.

Rem was leaning forward and resting his elbows on his thighs as he clasped his hands together between his knees. It didn't escape my notice how the long sleeved shirt he was wearing was pulled taut across his shoulders when he sat like that. Or how his forearms looked with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows like they were.

Damn, the man was still good looking. I was thinking. I couldn't help it. The man was a walking testosterone bomb waiting to go off at any moment. I'm just glad the man had control of himself. I know that I might not have.

Or I wouldn't have. I don't think I can make any move towards him after having the mastectomy which did leave some nasty scarring.

Dr Palmer did do a good job and the scarring is not as bad as I assumed it to be. But compared to the other side of my chest, I hate it. I told the psychologist that and she mentioned that it could have been worse. I could also be dead had I not done anything about it. So, I suppose that is one positive thing about it.

I am just nervous about showing it to anyone. I don't even know if I ever will.

" So, what has you worried, Fai?" He asked me quietly when he turned his head to look at me as I sat there looking out across the water watching the ducks swimming from one bank to the other.

I fidgeted with my hands smoothing the dress over my bump and resting my hands over the mound beneath the loose and comfortable dress I was wearing.

" I'm worried is all." I said to him in a quiet tone of voice and with a glance at him, I noticed he was quick to straighten up and turn his body slightly towards me on the bench and look for fully towards me. He even rested one arm across the back of the bench and waited until I would speak again after he looked at me and lifted one eyebrow at me. I took a deep breath and started to tell him.

" I have always wanted to be a mother. I certainly never planned or thought I would be one when I was twelve. But I was. I also thought that I would never meet someone again that would tempt me into being intimate again either. But I did." I started to say to him as I looked up at him with glances that were more like peeks at him. He was still patiently waiting for me to say something about the real problem I have. Taking another deep breath, I started speaking again.

" You were very unexpected, you were. I don't regret being with you. I will take the blame for my part. I was just not expecting there to be another baby to come along. You've met Ollie. There is such a huge age gap between them I think I forgot how to raise a baby." I said to him with a small smile as I continued to fidget with my smocked dress.

" But that's not really what is bothering you, is it?" He asked me in a quiet tone as he continued to look at me. I think that was when I felt his hand gently rubbing over the top of my shoulder in a soothing manner. A soothing gesture.

" I only have one breast. That is going to really make it hard to feed the little one. But what really worries me is what about the good breast?" I said with a bit of frustration to my voice as I hyphened the word 'good'.

" What if there is even a trace of cancer there and it gets passed through the milk to the baby? What if the baby gets sick because of the disease I had?" I said to him as tears filled my eyes and began to run over and down my cheeks. It was one thought that terrifies me.

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