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Nawhseen's point of view

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD I nearly kissed him! What did he do? Why did I let him? Aaa! I so want to scream!!! Did I already kiss him? Our lips did touch, but it was just for a millisecond.

I'm in my room having supper, I'm not in the mood of meeting friends and talking to him right now... I should be angry at him right? Right. How could he? But I'm at fault too...

Why do I always feel like this when he's with me, and worse is that I don't really mind him touching me even though I know it's so bad. Allah must be so ashamed of me. My parents would be too. I'm... really so useless.

His lips were rough yet soft but I couldn't. It was too much for me. I don't know how to kiss... That's not the point. What matters is that, I think I... can fall for him? KJHADFASHDVNASUYFVNSYRBSLKSDJNQEIYTGWR, NOOOOO.

I should not think of scary things like that. If I love him, he can hurt me more and if he decides to break my heart, he easily could. I would be disappointed to know he doesn't like me, and that might hurt. 

I don't want to get hurt.

Well, then, I should probably not love him, nor have any feelings for him.

But I do!

I don't. Ahhhrrr try not to, try...

I pulled myself together and pressed against the door, thinking hard.  I heard the bell announcing the end of supper. Alicia and Sally should be here soon now. I went on my bed so I'm not crushed when they open the door. 1...2...3...

"NAWSHEEEN!" They yell, flinging my door open, as it banged on the wall besides it. I smiled. They're so adorable sometimes...

"Yeah?" I asked, as if nothing happened. The jumped on my bed with Alicia on me, strangling me.

"What did you do to Prince Charming?" She said, sounding fierce.

"What do you mean?" I asked. I think this time, it's them who have to explain. What I did? It's more what he did. Okay, well I'm not any better though.

"Well, we thought you had lunch in your room because you were tired or you had a cold after that match and we decided to visit you after but at dinner --" Sally explained but Alicia cut her off, seeming very excited.

"Zayn was all sad and all, he did not smile, nor did he talk about you the way he does, his eyes weren't shining as they usually do when you're here and, worst is that... we noticed him... OH, that's too much for me," Alicia said, covering her face with my pillow. So dramatic.

"Crying," Sally finished, looking at me,"What happened exactly for him to be so miserable?"

I sat in a criss-cross position and faced them, their faces curious and caring. He was crying. I feel a tightening in my stomach at this sight. He is more sensitive lately. He always seems to be nervous to make the right move with me. Like he doesn't want me to reject him. If only he knew...

I sighed,"After that match, I went to ask him what he thought of my playing skills because he's so fit and should know a lot about sports but somehow... we got quite intimate and so he almost kissed --" I had to stop because Alicia and Sally were squealing and shaking like mad seals.

"Omigosh omigosh! He so loves you," they cooed and I looked at them blankly, waiting for them to stop. Sally nudged Alicia who cleared her throat,"Sorry, continue."

"So yeah, he almost kissed me and I was mad because he knows he has no right to kiss me and he did. But I'm not mad any more. I don't know  why," I finished.

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