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Zayn's point of view

I have to kiss her. I want to. I need to. Just to prove myself that she isn't that great.

You're thinking why I'm thinking of this, right?

Let me tell you that I totally like her.  I know what's happening, I'm not dumb. When I like someone, I know. I'm quite scared of using the 'L' word in case I'm wrong. What is happening to me? I'm in a labyrinth and I don't know where to go.

Should I get her to like me? 

Does she like me already?

Should I forget everything?

Ugh I'm in such a dilemma. I never felt this before, I never liked any girl before... Why her out of everyone? Couldn't I fall for someone else? She is so... I don't know. There're no words to describe her really. Special? yes, she is but that's not exactly the word. 

She's different from everyone else, my heart beats faster when she's around, her smile lights up my day, I want to make her smile... everyday. She means so much to me and I'm scared. She is my weakness now and that's dangerous for both her and me.
She doesn't even know me. A few weeks ago, during that nude club adventure, I felt regret. I felt bad for having made her cry. I am known to be heartless. Why did her tears ache my heart? Why does every thing she does seem interesting to watch? Why is she so surprising and challenging?

How did she unlock my heart? By pouring some toxic liquid on me. I remember everything about her, I love it when she blushes timidly whenever I'm around but... there's something. That's why I want to kiss her, so once I'm done, I can conclude she isn't that amazing but the fact that she doesn't let me makes me crave her even more, makes me fall for her even deeper...

I cannot let her too deep in my heart, I cannot love her... Nor anyone. I can't.  No, not me, not now.

Lying on my bed, I stare up at the ceiling(which isn't that interesting to watch huh), her face travelling in my mind. What does she think of me? Who does she think I am? Wait, who are we? Friends? This Friday, I haven't seen much of her. She's been practising lacrosse with her friends. I decided to have a look at her lacrosse skills.

Once I'm out on the field, I immediately spot her. She truly stands out from everyone with covering every part of her.Maybe some rules are meant to be followed.

Once she lands her eyes on me, she waves adorably and I wave back. I watched as she runs with her lacrosse stick and passes it, sometimes falling but getting up quickly to get the ball again. Mhm, she runs pretty fast...

Finally, when it starts raining, the match's over, she heads towards me, but is dragged away by Sally who apparently hasn't noticed me.

I wink at her and give her a thumbs-up and go away. I hear some steps running behind me. I turn around to see her.

"Waiit Zayn!"

"Hello Cookie," I greet as she walks next to me, under the rain.

"How did I play? Oh, and sorry if I smell,"she raises her arm and smells under it. No girl would  ever dare to do this. I laughed, "You played marvellously."

She smiles,"Really? Thank you."

We walked silently for some time, enjoying each other's presence, not even bothering to notice we hadn't an umbrella. The light drizzle intensified into a little rain.

"Oh, a fro-Aaaaa!!!" She screamed as she slipped on a muddy and mossy area and fell down, as I watched a little frog skip away. I help her get up.

"It was just a poor frog," I said while pulling her but she stumbled. I placed my hands on her waist so she doesn't fall again. I might take the chance and kiss her? Maybe she'll let me? Gosh, what's wrong with me?

I stare at her and she looks into my eyes, her reaction neutral but she is breathing hard. Her lips are all wet. So irresistible. My heartbeat immediately accelerates.

"You know what I always wanted?" I ask in a whisper and she shakes her head slowly

"Kiss a pretty girl in the rain," I said and she widened her eyes, not telling anything. Was she letting me...? I press my forehead against hers and cup her cheek while my other hand is on her waist... finally... God my heart is racing so fast. Her hands is on my chest and she is looking up at me, not moving any part of her body. We're both breathing like crazy.

I start slowly by pecking her upper lip and she stays silent, pressing her eyes shut firmly. She tightens her grip on my wet shirt. This feels so good... I might be addicted [and this is not good] but whatever I just want it right now...

She is staying immobile, not saying a word. It scares me but I will not be able to wait longer. I bite her gently and at last press my lips against hers, pulling her closer into me. I cabbit explain the feeling. It's so extra. But as soon as I do that, she pulls back quickly and runs away.

Oh shit what did I do? Why can't I stop? I plop on the muddy grass and hold my head in my hands. WHY did I try to kiss her? Now she won't ever talk to me again. I'm such an ASSHOLE.

My plan failed. She won't talk to me, she won't look at me. I crave her more as I want the feeling of her lips against mine more than anything else now.

That's a total failure.

"FUCK!!" I yell to no one in particular, removing my frustration. I can't have her angry at me again, that's torturing.

Of course she wouldn't let me kiss her, that's forbidden in islam unless you're married. I just ruined everything. Why did I have to be so selfish?

I can't send her a painting, she'll rip it out. How can I be forgiven now? Ugh, I can't even imagine how she must be right now. I want to go to her, tell her I'm sorry... Wait, what? I am sorry again? Shit, I knew she was something else. Why do I regret every  time she's not happy? Instead of pleasing her, I always end up messing up and being a selfish asshole.

I should start thinking for her as well, and not just me. What I want isn't the right way. What we want is.


Aslm! How are ya? I'm having some more ideas muahaha.

Words: 1137

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