How to Kill a Tech Support Agent

 "Can there be one day that you do what we ask you to? All we ask is that you follow policy." Stated my supervisor as she pulled up call records on her computer.

"I would be happy to oblige if the policies were written with common sense rather than jargon based on several 'studies' from special focus groups. Your policies are like the law, they are poorly written and randomly enforced." I replied dismissively.

"The policies are outlined to keep your stats within range for the company and to keep costs down."

"Heaven forbid if they are to assist the customer and solve their issue. We must keep them costs down as much as possible. I don't see any harm in having a sense of humor on the phones. In feedback I always get from you that I 'need to connect more with the customer' how else better to do so than with humor?" I argued. My supervisor shot me a glare as she waited for the call audio to load. I looked around the sparsely decorated office. The office wasn't permanently hers, the company uses these small spaces when supervisors from other centers visit.

"Alright, let's review the call." She said as she hit play.

The clack of my keys could be heard for miles due to the speed I was typing. A notification appeared on my screen; a call was coming in. "Tech support, this is Sam. How may I be of assistance today?" I greeted the customer, the same greeting I have been giving for three years now.

"Er, yes my internet isn't working. I need it fixed like yesterday!" The customer exclaimed in panic.

"Certainly, I do apologize about that inconvenience. Allow me a moment to pull up your acc-"

"I don't think you understand. I don't need apologies I need the internet back. I deleted it." The customer interrupted. I was a little dumbfounded.

"You...deleted it? The internet?" I asked for clarification.

"Yes. Now I can't pay bills, send messages, nothing. If I can't I'm wondering how the world is handling it."

"Sir, the world is handling it just fine. The internet is still intact. It hasn't been deleted." I assured him.

"No. I accidentally deleted it. Aren't you listening?!" He said angrily.

"Yes, sir, I heard you; however, what you are stating is an impossibility in regards to one person deleting an entire infrastructure that spans a good portion of the globe. In which includes: DSLAMS, Aggregation Servers, Satellites- which are in orbit and stationary, fiber and copper lines- both buried and aerial, and not to mention countless of other switches and dedicated devices. It's like SkyNet in the Terminator series. It's a global net of billions of devices communicating and sharing information with one another."

"If that's true then why is the blue 'E' gone from my desktop?" He counter-argued.

"The blue 'E'? That would be Internet Explorer, sir. By it's very name it is a program that explores the internet. They are called browsers. It isn't the internet itself." I explained.

"Are you calling me stupid, boy? You and that contemptuous tone of yours is going to get you in big trouble one day." He snapped back

"I am not calling you stupid. I am merely stating that the icon you accidentally deleted doesn't have the large scale impact you believe it does. All you should have to do is go to your start menu and click and drag Internet Explorer back to the desktop as a shortcut."

"Oh, never mind. Crisis averted. It works. Bye." The customer hung up before I could give my mandatory closing statement; however, at that point I was just relieved to get him off the phone.