"Hannah, please just leave me alone. Enough is enough and it's just time to let go." I mumbled into the phone. "Oli...please..." She said. "No, Hannah, good bye. Please stop calling." I said sternly, thinking about my anchor, Alesana. "Fine. Goodbye Oliver." Hannah shouted, hanging up. I let out a heavy sigh and threw my phone, pulling hands to my face, resting my elbows on knees. "Fuck." I breathed.
"Are you okay?" I heard a small voice ask from outside of my bunk. I opened the curtain and saw Alesana. "Yeah..." I replied. "No...no you're not. I know that's a total lie...." She mumbled. I looked into her eyes, "Scoot." I sighed and scooted over allowing her into my bunk. "Talk to me." Alesana said, turning to face me. I looked at her then down at my hands. "It's Hannah, everything we've ever shared is gone now...and I won't ever get it back." I replied.
"You wanted it though, right? And some of it was her fault, right?" Alesana asked. I sighed then nodded. "She cheated on me, and I didn't want to deal with anymore bullshit lies that would come from her.."
"Well, some things are meant to happen for a reason..." She mumbled, looking down at her wrists and legs. "I guess they are...but sometimes....it's not all good." I said, taking her wrists in my hands and looking at them. I saw lyrics from Suicide Season tattooed on her wrists and I saw multiple cuts and scars.
"Most of it is horrible..." She mumbled, a tear trailing down her cheek. I looked down at her legs and more scars filled them, then I looked at her face, there was a visible scar right above her left eye. "Only if you let it affect you that way." I replied, taking hold of her hand and holding it firmly in mine. "Can I know some more about you?" I asked her. She looked into my eyes and I saw sadness and anger in them.
"What do you....want to know?" Alesana asked, more tears streaming down her face. "Your past? And why you did these things to yourself?" I asked, meaning the scars on her wrist and why she wanted to starve herself.
"Oh boy...well....you do know that I was adopted...right?" She asked looking back down. "Yeah.." I responded. "Well...I had a mother figure I guess for about two years until she passed away from cancer. I didn't really know her nor was I close to her because I was terrified of her and her husband.
Uhh....a few months after she passed away, her husband began to beat me...he was supposedly my so called father, but he never really acted like it. When I was 11, I had my first suicide attempt the night after he had raped me..." She paused, tears streaming down her face.
"Just...enough was enough and I couldn't bear much of it anymore. But he just had to 'save' me before I kicked over the chair. He ran into the room screaming and yelling at me, I have no clue why he had saved me...but he did. Well, I found self harm about a year later, and I'm filled with the scars now...
School wasn't any better for me, but it was whatever. When I was probably 16-17 the words 'fat', 'pathetic', 'whale', and 'not good enough' became permanently glued into my mind leaving me to believe them. And that's when I began to starve myself....leading up until now. Last month when you guys...well...Matt....pulled over on the side of the bridge and actually saved me, that's the safest I've ever felt with anybody and it seriously means a lot..but...everything still haunts me and I don't know how to deal with it....before I was saved....there were about 6 suicide attempts in one months and 10 therapists trying to talk to me.." She finished.
"I'm sorry.." I mumbled, pulling her into a hug. "It's fine..."
"You have to promise me and the rest of the guys something, even though they probably don't know much." I said, pulling away. "Ok...." Alesana responded questionable. "You have to stop hurting yourself...no one wants you dead." I told her. She looked at me with pained eyes, "I can try Oliver."
"How much longer of tour is there?" I asked my brother. "About another week or two." Matt responded. "Okay.." I leaned my head on Oli's shoulder.
"You've been on tour with us for a month, you haven't experienced much yet." Oliver laughed. "Shhh, I've experienced a lotttt!" I shouted at him. "Whatever Alesana." He laughed. "MERR MER MER!" I shouted, causing everyone to laugh. "You're one strange person..." Fishy said. "Thank you Fishy!!!" I shouted. He gave me a weird look and I smiled at him.
"WAIT IF WE HAVE ANOTHER WEEK OR TWO LEFT OF TOUR THEN WHERE THE FUCK AM I GONNA GO?!?!?!" I shouted. "I'm wondering where I'm gonna go also...." Oli mumbled and everyone but me looked at him. "Why do you wonder where you're gonna go, mate?" Mrs. Queen asked. "Hannah and I aren't together anymore and I don't feel like keeping a house when I'm always on tour. Plus she's keeping Oskar...so..." Oli responded.
"Well, Alesana is gonna come to my apartment, you can too if you want, Oli." Matt said. I looked up and Oli and he shrugged. "Sure." He said softly. I smiled and laid my head back on his shoulder and he wrapped his arm around my waist.
"Hey guys...can I get a tattoo that says 'The Crooked Young' or a tattoo that says 'Empty hearts and empty places'?" I asked randomly, looking at everyone. Matt shrugged. "Sure."
YOU ARE READING
Hospital For Souls Bring Me The Horizon(Oli Sykes)Fanfiction
Alesana Marie Nicholls is 23 years of age, she still lives with the monster known as her adopted father. She has a lot of secrets, but so does life. One day, she decides enough is enough, and tries to leave, but a particular person puts an end to th...