Your Forgotten

• xxiv •

Tilted picture frames, chaotic bedsheets, scattered books, empty pills bottles and the shadow of mother on the floor.

It's so hard, so painful to write this ma, it hurts so much

Opening the door and seeing you like that, I didn't know my heart could shatter even more.

Everything was so raw that I couldn't control the shakiness that overtook my body, so I sat next to you on the cold floor.

The demons you've so carefully concealed for so many years were out in full display in every corner of your room and you looked like you didn't care anymore.

The carefully sewn bag that held everything you'd been trying to hide had been torn apart and you weren't doing anything about it.

Tears slipped from your eyes like they had a life of their own, like they too were trying to escape all this.

And everything, the ruin, the aftermath of years of battle were unhidden before my eyes.

I can't put to words how it feels that you let me see everything... all of you. Anger, hurt, sadness, joy.

I've always wanted you to come down from your high horse and sit with me but now you're here, i dont even know what to make of everything.

Then I saw it, the drugs spilling from your fist and I knew what you were about to do.

I knew what would've happened if I hadn't come and frankly, I hated you for it.

You're so selfish.

He leaves us again and you want to die? What about me ma? What about us? What about the child?

I felt the anger, the tears, the hurt rip through my entire body like lightening and thunder exploding the night sky all at once.

"my life is over mola" you said it again as I stared at what was left of you.

My mother, my strong mother, my idol, the woman I wanted to be like once upon a time.

I wanted to hit you as much as I wanted to hold you closer.

In that moment I hated you for being so selfish, thinking of only your hurt, your pain and nothing else... No one else.

But isn't that what pain does? It blindfolds you, blocks you from feeling anything else, seeing anything else, demanding attention, asking to be attended to immediately. Isn't that what pain is? A collector that keeps on collecting.

I don't know if I can measure my pain to what you were currently going through but I understood

And this only made me realize how much I had wanted you to come attend to my own wounds when you didn't even know how to treat yours.

I chose to believe the strong, independent mask you'd always put on in front everyone when deep down I knew the truth. All because i wanted you to attend to the pain in my chest.

In my own hurt, I blindly added more to your own wounds.

Aren't we all a little selfish inside?

With all these thoughts swimming around in my head, I made decision in that moment.

Seeing you so vulnerable, I decided that I'd be strong for you, for us, for now.

I held you with all that I had left as you continued to mumble underneath your breath.

Even if you hurt me, I won't let you go ma because I understand now.

So I slowly gathered the pieces of you, praying my little love could maybe work like glue.

And maybe someday, one day we'll be just fine.

In all my silent declarations I didn't listen to your mumblings.

"It's all my fault," your voice was barely a whisper.

"No it's not," I countered.

"I started everything, all the lies, trying to package my mess instead of fixing it."

I kept saying to the both of us that it'd be alright as I held you even tighter, that is until one sentence stood out and struck me like thunder.

"You're not his, mola, he's not your father."

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At this point any weapon you decide to throw at me *shield's face*
Im really sorry it took me this long to get over myself and write this. I hope mola's story hasn't become part of your forgotten (:

Thank you for reading, more to come soon.

Love, Omi.❤