CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE
HOW do i tell him?
it was a simple question, really; thirteen letters, five words, five syllables.
yet that exact sentence kept kihyun's mind wide awake, wondering for hours, for days, weeks, probably even months.
he wasn't entirely certain on knowing when he fell in love with changkyun, only realizing it that one night when they shared a vitamin water together, but it felt like his feelings had been there for a lifetime already. perhaps it happened when they first met, with all the awkwardness, shy exchanges of names and no eye contact. it could've been the same moment kihyun saw changkyun for who he truly was, revealing he was blind through tears and scared glances towards him and to the floor beneath them, walls down and allowing him in. but, maybe, it was when they first held hands, how the gentleness made every inch of kihyun to ache in the best way possible.
in the end, kihyun decided, that it didn't exactly matter. there was a boy he sincerely loved, and he wanted to let him know in a way that would make his eyes shine, lips curve up in happiness- that was more important right now.
howhowhow? he tapped his fingers on the edges of the papers in his hands. how do i tell him i'm in love with him?
doors opening caused kihyun to look up from reading - mostly thinking - and his eyes stayed on changkyun until he noticed nayoung waving at him.
shy smile, kihyun weakly raised a hand and waved back. he watched the girl mouth something, but noticed she was actually speaking and it was directed to her cousin rather than himself. as changkyun heard the words, his gaze flickered a little higher, seemingly to search for something. or someone. with a light blush on the boy's cheeks, one hand moved in the air as he called out a greeting to kihyun. said boy stared in a daze, brain searching for literally anything to say because suddenly even saying 'hey' proved to be difficult.
nayoung had gone to skate, now leaving kihyun and changkyun alone.
and the lively question kept flashing in kihyun's head: thirteen simple letters, five simple words, five simple syllables. simple. really? honestly, they had more meaning than kihyun could even attempt to explain, more depth than any powerful, heartfelt story in the universe. maybe that was why they wouldn't quit buzzing around inside his mind, jumbling up before connecting together perfectly once more. definitely not so simple.
"how?" he whispered. changkyun's head tilted to the side and kihyun cleared his throat. "h-how are you?"
nice save, genius.
"i'm good." there was that bright smile on his face again. "how's work?"
fingers innocently ran across the top of the counter. the dark haired boy liked to believe changkyun's hand was searching for his own in that moment.
the other quickly added, "i hope it's not too boring."
then their hands finally touched.
"work is busy." talking should distract his heart from beating any faster. "stacks of paper to go through. cleaning skates. mopping. all that, you know? i wish i had more time, though, because i really want to skate with you." abort, abort, talking is a terrible idea.
"shame."
wait. "what?"
changkyun pouted, fingers lightly curling around kihyun's, "i miss our skating lessons."
if he meant the lessons that involved kihyun demonstrating how awfully uncoordinated he was, him moving his feet in all the wrong directions, being awkward, and spending way, way too many times falling down rather than skating on the ice; however, they were also the same lessons that included a lot of hand-holding, longer than necessary soft touches, and a chance for them being close. so close. changkyun either missed kihyun making a fool of himself, or he actually liked his company.
"in that case," kihyun quickly decided that there was no turning back once his mouth started moving: "i'm all yours tomorrow night."
it would be impossible to describe how kihyun felt right then, seeing changkyun smile like that—that goddamn smile; seeing him shyly nod his head, feeling his fingers stay on his for one more second before finally moving away.
"i'll be here," he said.
then changkyun stepped back, spinning around, facing away from kihyun.
a step forward, then another, slow and reluctant. changkyun stopped walking towards the rink, turning back around. hands brought together, he fumbled with the hem of his shirt.
"kihyun?" voice soft. "do you..." he shook his head.
"what's wrong?"
"it's kind of silly," shoe kicked the ground lightly. "i was just wondering if you'd like to walk with me to the seats?"
a slight chuckle, kihyun said: "i'd love to."
sitting next to changkyun, with the latter still holding his hand, fingers loosely entwined with each other's, kihyun was positive he just suggested walking together so he could have a break from his boring job. he didn't regret not leaving once they sat down, not one bit, even when changkyun started rambling on and on about ice skating competitions coming up, because his eyes were sparkling so brightly, cheeks glowing in pink, the grin never leaving his face for a minute. changkyun's fingertips seemed to subconsciously paint invisible dots on kihyun's forearm, keeping him closer, and that was it—when kihyun figured out the answer to his question.
simple, once again, proving that it definitely wasn't just that. far from it. but that was the beauty of it.
the beauty of how kihyun was going to express his feelings.
