Chapter 34

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"Delancy are you alright? Is something wrong?" Kerrick placed a hand over mine and looked me over, his face showing concern. I looked up at him, my thoughts breaking as our eyes met and a small smile traced my lips.

"I'm fine."

"Oh, that's good. I'm going to the office to pick up some work, I've already cancelled my plans for the rest of today so that'll give us enough time to make it to the counsellor."

"Alright, you can go, I'll wait for you here." I stared at my hands, anxiety and dread burning in my stomach.

"Okay then I won't be long, but remember to call me if you feel sick again."

I nodded to him and he picked up his things from the desk. I followed him up to the door and he smiled at me before walking out and getting in his car and leaving.

It took me two moments before I moved but when I did I went up the stairs, quickly packing my things and emptying my clothes from the closet into my chest. When I finally had all my things together, I took them downstairs with me and out the door, freedom the only thought crossing my mind.

I looked behind for a moment, turning back to close the door before hurrying away again.

***

The breeze was stroking my hair gently as the sun glistened brightly against my skin, I smiled sitting on a bench at a bus stop, waiting for another bus to come by.

The sadness that clouded me before was now entwined with renewal because all my life I'd sacrificed my own happiness and well-being for others and for the first time I was doing something for myself.

I was going to make my own decisions from now on for what I really wanted.

I loved Kerrick, I had no doubt about that but it wasn't just about us anymore, too much was on the line and I didn't want to risk it. I knew he wasn't a monster and the blame for his state wasn't entirely his but I didn't want to hurt anymore. The truest from of love was letting go and my only hope was for Kerrick to maybe understand someday.

I smiled for a moment, thinking of the better times between us when my attention was drawn to the noise of the bus coming up the road so I gathered my things together and pulled myself up from the bench, taking a deep breath in the process.

I made my way up to the bus when it stopped but the sound of a car speeding up the road made me look back in stunned surprise. It was Kerrick's car and he stopped short of the bus before jumping out and running to me. I couldn't move as my eyes locked on his wild frightened ones.

"Delancy, what are you doing?" He asked in a hazy voice, trying to re-catch his breath. "When I got home and saw that all your things were gone, I began looking everywhere for you."

"Kerrick, please let me go, this is more than you and me now, please try and understand." I tried to sound as firm as I could but my voice was shaky.

"I can't," he grasped my hand but I looked away from him and at the bus driver who was waiting for me to take my things and get on. "I can't let you go."

His voice was filled with so much emotion, the hardened shell of a man I met a few months ago barely visible. I pulled my hand from his but he held me from behind tightly, making my knees go weak.

It was supposed to be easy, I was supposed to walk away and move on but I felt my heart breaking because I was giving up on him. He was the only man I'd ever been romantically in love with and the only one I wanted to be but our relationship had too many problems.

"Are you coming or not, lady? I've got a busy schedule and-"

"Then get the hell out of here!" Kerrick shouted.

The bus door closed and the man started driving away so I pulled myself out of his arms but it was too late.

"Why did you do that!?" I turned and shouted back at him, "Why won't you listen to me? Why are you so selfish!?"

"Yes, I'm selfish! Miserable, cruel and unfair but I don't care if I'm with you." Tears slipped down his face but his voice didn't crack. "Don't go away forever from my life, if you do, I won't eat and I won't sleep until I see you again because I can't live without you."

"K-Kerrick, how can you say that?"

"I'm scared of being alone, I'm frightened of waking up without you and I'm terrified of feeling so weak because your strength was all that kept me." I could see it that these words were the hardest things for him to say since he never expressed anything openly and chose to keep his feelings locked away.

"I don't want to hurt anymore, I tried and I'm tired Kerrick."

He latched his hand onto me and pulled me into a deep hug, his touch wasn't aggressive or possessive but desperate to hold on.

"Delancy, I'm not here to ask you to forgive me. This isn't about your kindness or the sins I've committed. I'll throw everything away, just having you is enough for me. If I had you, I could forget about all the wrongs I committed and finally start living my life. That's the only thing I want right now."

"Kerrick, is this really how you feel?"

"Even though I can't understand why, I can't see my life without you. Even though it drives me insane, I can't let you go."

I didn't even know when I started crying but when he finished talking, I could barely see through the blur of tears in my vision and my chest felt tight.

"Kerrick." I hugged him, tears rolling down my face as I tried comforting myself with his warmth. He hugged me and planted a kiss against my lips, my heart breaking from the amount of love I felt from him.

He took my bags and put them in his car, before whisking me in and driving me to his home. Once there, he sat me down in front of him, his eyes brimming with gratitude and regret at the same time.

"Why did you want to leave so suddenly? Why not before? Why now?"

"Kerrick, after everything that happened, this was the best thing to do." I said, brushing back a tendril of hair behind my ear.

"I know but-"

"Let me finish, when you took me to the hospital, prior to what happened when I came here I felt ill so I let the doctor check it out. Kerrick I'm pregnant."

His eyes didn't move from mine as he sunk down to his knees and placed a hand over my stomach, dumbfounded and lost towards words.

"Kerrick, I could've lost the baby." I placed a hand over his and he stared at my stomach indefinitely before his gaze flicked back to me. "I didn't want to stay here risking the chance you might hurt me again and endanger our child's life and I don't want our baby to grow up the way you did, in a home filled with abuse."

He pulled closer to me and pushed his ear against my stomach, closing his eyes and listening quietly.

"Kerrick, I don't think you'll be able to hear anything yet." I placed my hand on his back but he didn't move.

"I know, I just want to listen." He said in a hushed tone.

"Kerrick, we'll have to be serious now if we want our relationship to work, much is on the line and it'll be hard for both of us but we have to do it together. Don't forget that."

"I know, I promise."



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