CRUSH U | EXO ONESHOTS

helium | krishan

𝚝𝚊𝚐𝚜: 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚟𝚢 𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝, 𝚍𝚊𝚛𝚔, 𝚌𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐, 𝚕𝚞𝚑𝚊𝚗 𝚒𝚜 𝚊 𝚋𝚒𝚝𝚌𝚑 𝚝𝚋𝚑
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"I'll be waiting," Kris said when he was told that his boyfriend is going out with friends from college. He would much more prefer Luhan staying with him, but that didn't happen too often anymore since Luhan seemed to always have a lot of things to do and places to be, and being the loving and understanding boyfriend he is, Kris never asked any questions or complained about Luhan's schedule, which didn't include him anymore.

"That's pointless, I'll get back in the morning. I haven't seen Minseok and Yixing for a long time, I'm sure we'll have a lot to talk about," in Kris' eyes, Luhan was just worried about his well-being and therefore didn't want him to stay up, but little did Kris know that he's the last thing Luhan cares about.

It's been a while since Luhan found someone else, but he never told Kris, nor did he plan to tell him; Luhan enjoyed being taken care of by Kris, and using him just for that was exactly what he was doing without ever thinking about how Kris feels.

For Kris, Luhan meant everything. He's been crushing on him for years and he can still remember how nervous he was when he finally decided to confess to the boy. Luhan accepted and Kris quickly fell in love while Luhan was just enjoying the attention and the fact he can brag about having tall and handsome boyfriend, but Kris didn't know that.

"I'm leaving," was the first thing Kris heard when Luhan came home the next morning. He didn't want to believe that that's what Luhan said, he wanted to laugh it off, he wanted to ruffle Luhan's hair and chuckle at his boyfriend's silly joke, but he couldn't. He couldn't do any of that because this wasn't a joke and Luhan was leaving.

"Why?" was all Kris managed to say and he already sounded broken. Luhan was his everything and now his everything wanted to leave.

"I'm with someone else," Luhan answered, seemingly unbothered by the fact he's making Kris suffer. "I don't love you, Kris," he added to the heartbreak. Luhan wouldn't have even admitted it, but he was asked to do so since the person he was cheating on Kris with didn't like sharing anymore.

Kris didn't have much to say. He actually didn't have anything to say. He was broken-hearted but yet he managed to put a fake smile on his face and hug Luhan. "It's okay, stuff like that happens sometimes," he assured the boy even though he was the one who needed someone to assure him this pain isn't eternal. "Just make sure you're happy, okay?" he said with a grin after pulling away. Luhan just nodded and went upstairs to get his things and leave.

Time went by and Kris was still alone while Luhan was happy somewhere else, and sadly enough Kris still loved and longed for him. Now even more so, discovering that he's sick. His friends knew and they tried to make it better and support the tall male, but all he wanted was Luhan. Kris left him multiple messages, saying that he wants to talk but never got a response.

October 14
I miss him, and I miss him a lot. He was the only light in my life, but he found his own light somewhere else and I can't really blame him. I'm nothing special and the only thing I could ever give him was my love. I'm not rich, I'm not that handsome, I'm far from perfect. And perfection is exactly what Luhan needs and deserves.
I know that but yet I still miss him.

Kris started writing his feelings down shortly after he'd found out about his condition. He'd never call it a diary, but that's exactly what it was. And it was filled with entries about Luhan. Even after eight months, that boy was still the only thing that mattered.

Remembering all the times they had spent together was what kept Kris going. Maybe Luhan never loved him, but he didn't see that - or he didn't want to see it. The way Kris told the story to himself was that they were madly in love with one another, and Luhan was just as dedicated to the relationship as Kris, but with time, Luhan's happiness moved to another person and the only thing Kris could do was accept it even though his own happiness still lies with Luhan.

October 18 was the day they'd been on their first date as a couple and it was a magical date. Kris knew all about what Luhan loves and hates, that helping him plan the perfect date for them. Luhan said he'd never felt happier and Kris told him exactly the same. He'd never felt happier than by Luhan's side.

October 18
Can I still call it an anniversary?  It's been six years since that date and I still love him just as much as I did those six years ago. Does he remember? Is he perhaps thinking of me too? Does he want to come back? All those silly questions I ask are pointless; even if he did want to come back - for what would it be? To watch me die? He deserves better, he's happier now.

It was truly heartbreaking how much Kris cared about someone who's slowly forgetting about him. Days were getting shorter and Kris' condition was only getting worse. Hospital was his second home now and he kept reaching out to Luhan, hoping that maybe one day the boy would agree to meet him again and talk about their past, since there was no talking about future in Kris' case. His days were numbered and everyone around him knew that. But Luhan didn't. He was still unaware of everything that happened with Kris after he'd left because he simply didn't care.

Yes, he did think about him here and there, but since he believed that Kris only wants to meet up with him to ask him to come back, every message was ignored. If only Luhan knew, if only he tried to find out, if only he wasn't so selfish, they would meet before it was too late.

December 13
I feel like this is the last entry. I am too weak to write and it hurts to even try, but there are still things left to say. Although I miss Luhan, I wouldn't want him to be here with me. It pains me greatly to even imagine him being sick and me watching him die; I would die with him.
He's with someone else and that someone else makes him happy. That someone else is doing something I wouldn't be able to do if Luhan stayed. I've spent past ten months longing for him, but it's better that he's not here, and that he won't be hurt once I'm gone. He's my first love and he will also be my last one and even though I didn't give him enough, I can at least give him that. He is the only one I've ever loved, and I'm thankful for that.

A week later, Luhan finally decided to accept Kris' offers and meet up for a chat. Assuming that the man didn't move, he went to the house he once lived it too and knocked on the door, having Tao, Kris' cousin, open it. "You're late," was the only thing Tao said before slamming the door and leaving confused Luhan outside.

It took him until January to find out what happened and why exactly was he late. Kris died two days after writing his last entry. He died in his sleep, painlessly, most probably dreaming about him and Luhan being together again.