How to change a life; chapter 12

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Chapter Twelve

Turning Lesbian.

Harry was smiling down at me, pushing strands of hair (wig) out of my eyes as I came back from dreamland. The room was cold and the sheets were thin. Just like he could read my mind, Harry pulled me closer to him. I sighed in contentment and entwined my smooth legs with his hairy ones.

"You're shivering." he whispered and tightened his grip on me, like that was going to heat me up.

"We should really stop this, I'm not a prostitute you know." I murmured mid yawn.

"No you're my girlfriend. Prostitute free of charge." he laughed.

I kicked his shin feebly. "You're sick. Even when you are joking."

"I was thinking..."

"Theres a first." I muttered.

He kissed me to shut me up. "You shouldn't be living in this house alone, why don't you come live with me?"

"In a house with your crazy father who thinks I'm the devil incarnate? No thanks." I said. "I think I should tell you something before you want to do nice things for me."

"What is it?"

"Take a deep breath and have an open mind and please, please, please remember that you love me." I began chewing on my bottom lip, I had to do this. He looked so scared I held his heart in my hands, I could feel it. Here I was just going to crush it.

"Rayleigh, Nothing could be worse than the cancer so just spit it out."

I sighed. "Well, you know last night Chase was being a douche like he always is when he's drunk and started saying things and then Dhara jumped in and shut him up. Then Jess took Chase back into the tent and then Dhara... he..."

Harry's jaw was set. He stared up at the ceiling with hard eyes, the small circles he was rubbing into my shoulder stopped abruptly. "Did you kiss him back?"

I nodded glumly. "But I thought it was you and I even called him Harry..."

He let his head fall back against the wall with a thud. "I cant believe you did that to me. Is that why you cant tell me you love me? Because you actually don't? Because you have feelings for someone else? For him?"

"No."

"Then why, Rayleigh? After everything why would do this?" he kept his eyes above him and didn't look at me once.

"I don't know, Harry. And even though I cant say it right now you know how I feel about you. You think I would hurt you purposely?" I asked, propping myself up on my elbow to try and get him to look at me.

"You've done it before by lying to me." he covered his face with his right arm and was breathing deeply.

"That wasn't lying, that just wasn't telling you the truth. And that's exactly why I didn't because it would hurt you. Anyway this isn't me lying, this is me telling you the truth. I could have just followed my instincts and kept it to myself, but I thought you were better than that. You are better than that."

He dropped his arm and turned to look at me, finally. I felt like half the weight was lifted. This was a tad more manageable. "You have no feelings for him at all?"

"None besides loathing." I assured him.

Harry nodded. "Then tell me you love me. Tell me you love me and I'll stay. I just have to be sure, Rayleigh. This has happened to me so many times, that I need to know that I'm worth it."

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