It Takes Time Part 7.

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KENDALL'S POV. (Finally! 😂😂)

I knew what I did was fucked up and I didn't deserve to be forgiven or even think about having a second chance with her but its Y/n. My family literally ignored me and gave me the cold shoulder for weeks and my friends as well but I deserved it. I deserved everything I got because I lost the best person in this world.

I never planned to sleep with Rakim in the first place I didn't even plan to be with him. He came over to the house to check on me and then we started talking and drinking and one thing lead to another. I was lonely and missing Y/n and I guess Rakim was there when Y/n wasn't and after I realised what I did I didn't know what to do. I basically woke up and pushed him out the bed telling him to get out and that this was a huge mistake till he said three words to me that I didn't expect. I love you.....

I starred at him like he was insane while he looked at me like I was the most precious and amazing thing he has ever seen and that's the moment when I started second guessing my feelings. He stood in front of me and said it again and that's when I did something I shouldn't have. I kissed him and I felt like how I felt when I first started liking Y/n and it was wrong. Everything that I was doing. Everything that I was feeling was wrong but I didn't care.

Y/n was gone and he was there. It was simple as that in my head and I was so blinded by my "New found feelings" for him that I didn't see what I was doing was wrong and that I was hurting the one person I said I wouldn't hurt. I hurt her. I broke her. I tore down her walls. I didn't care. I didn't even care that I hurt her more then anything and I was slowly pushing her away and I knew it.

I pushed her away so I didn't feel as guilty for it. I couldn't look at her the same without my guilt eating me alive but you know what I did. I lied and I think that's what broke her more. I didn't plan on sleeping with him. I didn't plan on actually loving him but I didn't love him for the fact that he made me feel special. I loved him for the fact that he gave me attention and pleasured me. The things Y/n wasn't there to do. She was off on tour drinking, partying and living her life while I was stuck here. 

I was stuck back home missing her and all the pictures and rumors about her were getting to me so I started believing them and shutting her out. We would talk but it wasn't like how we used to. I would say I'm tired and needed rest and it upset her but she let it go cause she loved me....something I didn't acknowledge. So I slept with Rakim behind her back and pretended that everything was okay and kept on doing it. The day she returned I was happy. I was truly happy because I did miss her but it felt off to me. I felt like my love for her was fading and I knew it was wrong.

Days, weeks passed and it felt off to me but I didn't say anything because I thought that maybe I could feel those things again but I didn't. It was a few days before the MET gala and I was excited for Y/n to come because it would be our first proper event that we attended together since she left for tour but when she told me she could attend I was upset but not as upset as I would have been. So I screamed and through a tantrum and said things I shouldn't have said and I turned cold.

The MET Gala. The day when I lost her.  I didn't know that Rakim would be attending the MET gala...he just surprised me. I was so lost in my own world that I didn't even see everyone standing there along with Y/n who looked like I killed her. Her face went pale and she starred at me with a blank expression before she went off. She screamed. She hit him. She did what was expected and left. That night I was to shocked to even process everything and when I did...I didn't know what to do.

She went off the grid and everyone thinks I didn't care because I was seen out with Rakim but I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to face her without feeling myself break in the process. I realised that everything I felt for Rakim was infatuation and nothing else. He wasn't Y/n. He didn't look at me the she did. He didn't treat me the way she did. He didn't love me the way she did. Rakim treated me good and he adored me but I didn't because my heart was still with her. I'm so confused with my feelings and everything I'm feeling but when I'm with her...I'm complete. I'm me.

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