Tears

12 » smoked

 ... { " I smoked because I thought it made me happy, it gave me a feeling I couldn't describe. " }

My mind was blurry. The last few hours were spent painfully waiting outside the hospital doors. I couldn't go in there, not after what just happened. I don't do hospitals either.

The moon shone high in the black sky, the stars glittered with freedom. A warm misty breath escaped my numb lips as the cold began to get to me. I shivered, then rubbed my arms for warmth. My legs ached from pacing back and forth too much, but I didn't care. All I could think about was him.

Chris.

My thoughts were suddenly pulled away when the hospital doors opened, revealing Chris in a white gown, pulling along what looked to be a pole on wheels with tubes connected from it down to his arms. When his green orbs found mine, there was nothing but guilt. "You're still here." He said.

I nodded quickly and found myself staring at the tubes. they held a clear liquid and it sort of fascinated me for a moment. "I couldn't leave without knowing you're okay."

"Ember, I would've been fine thanks to the doctors-"

"No." I interrupted him. "I had to make sure, Chris." My head lowered and I couldn't bring myself to look at him. "You really scared me." I muttered.

"Why don't we sit over there?" Chris suggested, his voice soft and gentle. He moved over to the small stone wall beside us and sat down. I soon followed, sitting close to his body as the heat radiating off him kept me warm. "I've wanted to tell you this for a long time, but I never got the chance."

I pressed my lips together and closed my eyes tightly, preparing. I knew there was something wrong with him. The hospital tags seemed to give it away, but I guess I was too distracted about trying to care for myself that  didn't see what was hidden in plain sight. He was sick; very sick.

"I used to be a heavy smoker. I smoked because I thought it made me happy, it gave me a feeling I couldn't describe. I felt relaxed and calm every time I took one out of the packet. I thought it helped me deal with the stress I was having. But when I found out I had severe lung cancer, I quit. It was so hard, but I quit." His head tilted up to the sky and he let out a long breath. "When I first saw you, you were sad, alone, and I knew you felt worthless to the world. I saw you as me, so I wanted to help you become happy too."

"And you did make me happy." I said, giving him a small smile.

He looked down at me and smiled back, but then it faltered slowly. "I don't have long left, Ember."

I felt my heart clench at those words.  I didn't want to believe it, so I said, "But its lung cancer. Can't the doctors fix it? Like, with surgery or something?"

"It's too late to cure the cancer."

"I don't want to lose you, Chris. You're the whole reason as to why I'm happy."

Chris grabbed my hands and entwined his fingers with mine. His action both surprised and comforted me. It was such a strange feeling; I had never held a guy's hand before. "I wanted to tell you sooner before..." He trailed off.

"Before what?"

He looked straight into my eyes with an emotion I couldn't describe. "Before I fell for you."

( Another cliffhanger, I'm sorry. )