"Fergus?" Campbell whispered close to his pal's ear the next day. "Aye?" Fergus whispered back, fixing a knob that'd come loose from the mixing console the other day. "Don't mind me askin...Actually, it's Ivy askin, but..What sorta girls d'you like?" Campbell asked, hesitantly. "None, Campbell. I don't like any sorta girls." came the reply from the busy man who'd moved on to examine one of the cables which'd been chewed up by rats. "Oh!" "So...what sorta blokes d'you like?" Campbell continued, assuming that his friend was homosexual and that his wife's assumptions had probably turned out to be true too! "Campbell! Quit it! I don't like blokes either." Fergus snapped, annoyed by his questions as he slammed the cable down on the desk and glared at him. "Well, who d'you like, then? Oh,no...please don't say ya have sex with robots, Ferg..!" his manic mate deduced, widening his eyes in horror at the thought. "Campbell, what's this bout?" Fergus enquired, flipping his mane as he spoke. "Nothin. It's just that, Ivy thinks we should find ya a girlfriend. Someone who'd care for ya when yer ol an' no longer able to float about in zero gravity, ya know?" he was finally able to procure the answer from Campbell. "I don't need one,Campbell. I'm fine, thank ya." he declined politely, before returning to work.
"Mate, everyone needs someone at some point in their life. Look at me! I thought I'd never lose my virginity until I walked into the wrong clinic an' met Ivy. I mean, we didn't do it right away! We dated for a while, but still...Dontcha want someone like that? To love ya?" a concerned Campbell continued to urge, trying to change his mind. "Aye, I do." came the reply, but surprisingly, from an absent minded Jason who interrupted their conversation.
"Wasn't talkin to ya, mate...an' who are ya admirin from afar, eh? Is she pretty?" Campbell now turned his attention to his mentee who stared out into the hallway. From the desk, he had a clear view of his beloved and he supported his head with his hand, resting his elbow on the desk while glancing dreamily at her. "Aye. That red haired dame. Her red hair burns like the rays o' the Sun, I see er an' I am lit." he seemed to turn into a poet all of a sudden, motioning to the young lass mopping the floors outside, oblivious to his loving gaze as she wiped sweat off her brow.
"What's he turn into Shakespeare when he's in love?" Campbell muttered under his breath, raising an eyebrow on hearing him. "That's Anne o' Green Gables, Mr. B. Who is she, Jase?" Kris corrected, before nudging her brother for more info. "That there's Anastasia. She's Mrs.Cohen's daughter, but she coulds not get into college or a decent job, so now she's bein forced to work as a janitor ere. Mrs. Cohen doesn't want no-one knowin bout it though...bout er. Crone considers dear Anastasia shameful as it is! She's the sweetest, there is, though. Awfully kind to the inmates an' patients too, unlike er mum!" Jason explained, unable to look away from Anastasia as he spoke. "Mrs. Cohen sounds awfully cruel!" Kris cried out in disbelief, while Jason continued to heap praise on this girl he loved, transforming from a boy who spoke in broken English into Shakespeare in a matter of seconds:
"My love is as a fever, longing still
For that which longer nurseth the disease,
Feeding on that which doth preserve the ill,
Th' uncertain sickly appetite to please.
My reason, the physician to my love,
Angry that his prescriptions are not kept,
Hath left me, and I desperate now approve
Desire is death, which physic did except.
Past cure I am, now reason is past care,
And frantic-mad with evermore unrest;
My thoughts and my discourse as mad men's are,
At random from the truth vainly expressed.
For I have sworn thee fair, and thought thee bright,
Who art as black as hell, as dark as night."
"There he goes again!" Campbell snickered amusingly on hearing Jason break into Shakespearean verse to express his love. "Why dontcha go talk to er if ya like er so?" Fergus suggested, snapping him back into reality. "I couldn't possibly...I mean, what is I s'possed to say, eh? I is gonna end up swearin or spoutin nonsense to er, I is! An' my English is all brokened up an' what not! She'd reject me sorry arse on the spot!" he returned to his old self, sputtering nervously. "Why don't we serenade er, then? Aye, I know! We'll dedicate a song to er. D'you wanna do the honors, mate?" Campbell declared with a snap of his fingers. "Ya know what they say- The key to a woman's heart is through er playlist!" Kris seconded, helpful as she put on a record on his behalf. "If music be the food o' love, play on!" Campbell remarked with a grin as he readied the needle of the turntable.
"Uhm....uh...this song goes outs to that g..girl with the red hairs...that always smells so much like Lysol...sooo invigoratingly good in my opinion...Anyway, ere goes!" Jason mustered up the courage to speak, before playing her the song that Kris thought would be perfect.
Anastasia stopped what she was doing when she heard the young man's sweet words over the intercom. She looked around in surprise. She rested the mop against a wall and glanced at her own red hair in surprise, sniffing at it and blushing on realizing he was talking about her all along. She hummed along as the last song of the day- Love is by Rod Stewart- wafted out into the hallway.
"This was DJ Chase McCluck...thanks so much for tunin in, ya motherf.." Jason finished the show in his signature way- by cutting himself off just as he felt a cuss word come up. "D'you think she is gonna likes it? I've never dids anythin likes that before, ya know? Nevers been so nervous...an' I wasn't even face to face with er!" he asked, rolling away from the desk and rubbing his clammy hands ecstatically together after his sign off. Campbell only nodded reassuringly.
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Takin Over the Asylum once more!Fanfiction
20 yrs later, Campbell Bain is happily settled. Workin for BBC radio, married to his dream girl and a father to cheery troublemakin twins, he couldn't be happier. That is, until his manic depression relapses an' he's sacked from his job. He's forced...