Chapter 21 (Part I)

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I sat down on my bed as I pondered over what my mother said, I nibbled on my nails slightly; an action that I found completely revolting but at that moment completely comforting.

"Woahh there tiger go easy on the nails now." Amanda joked as she entered my room but despite that I could see the concern in her eyes. Rachel couldn't make it due to the fact that she had some sort of family outing but she made sure to tell me that she wanted to hear every single detail when she came back. Amanda sat down a good distance away from me on the bed as if she was afraid that I would pounce at any second.

How could have I forgotten.

Here I was in an arranged marriage slowly falling in love with a boy who didn't love me back. For the past few days I felt so depressed and worried about where he could be and through all of this my sister had never once crossed my mind. Maybe I deserved this, maybe this was karma for killing my sister. It wasn't with my bare hands but I felt as if I could have done something ,anything to prevent that accident.

"Paige." "Paige." Amanda said gently touching my shoulder as if I was fragile. I looked at her my eyes no doubt red from the tears that escaped before she came. Just one look and she knew, one look and she knew why I was like this and the fact that she knew made me feel like complete and utter shit. Was I really the only one who didn't remember that Riley's death anniversary was coming up not even in a week but tomorrow. "Is this about tomorrow." Amanda asked. I sighed. "Amanda do you know how I feel right now about all this." "I know this is one of -"

"No Amanda you don't understand." Amanda thought I was like this because of tomorrow but it's been years now since her death I've gotten used to the ritual of waking up, getting dressed in my colourful outfit. 'Anything but black.' Mom said. She believed that we shouldn't mourn when we visited her or it would make her sad too. The bouquet of flowers that we would lay down by her grave and then the silent tears that would follow after. I was used to all of it but this time was different.

"I was so caught up in this drama of my life that I forgot that it was tomorrow. It's a good thing that Reece doesn't care about me. I don't deserve it."

"Paige there's nothing wrong with th-"

"Amanda I killed my sister, I killed Riley." I said getting up from the bed cutting her off in the process. Tears ran down my face, my throat dry from screaming but I wanted to scream more scream louder I wanted the pain in my chest to go away. " My sister died......because of me, because of my selfishness. What right do I-" I said hitting my chest my hands forming a tight fist. "What right do I have to be happy." Tears ran down my face even more like a waterfall. My eyes were so blurry that I couldn't even see Amanda's form anymore, anyone's form for that matter which is why when I felt the warmth of someone's embrace all I could do was just hug back with the little strength I had left.

The hug calmed me down and I could breathe slowly and properly again. Was this hug being given out of sympathy? Out of concern?

That I didn't know

But what i did know was that the person hugging me......

Wasn't Amanda.

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