1 Julia's Letter

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A letter found in an envelope on the kitchen table with the word 'BART' written on the front.


I know that when you read this you will hate me.

There. I warned you. So don't be surprised. I don't think that you should (hate me, that is) but I expect you will, and I'm ready for it.

You know Bart, the thing about death is it makes the truth seem more real. Maybe it's because at the funeral, with all those distant relatives and 'work friends', we dance around it so much, the real truth. I feel like I've spent the last two weeks avoiding it, hiding from it, the real truth I mean.

And I think the truth is this, Boo. We only have one life!

And my God, half of mine has gone!

So listen to me, Boo. It's important. Your father was a wonderful man, but he's dead now and he's not coming back. I know it looks hard on the page but it's the truth. It's more true than anything. Your father is dead. My husband is dead. And you know what, Boo? It's terrible. It is really terrible. But now that it's happened we owe it to ourselves to find true happiness in the lives we have left. We both do. Each of us. Separately.

What I am trying to say - is this.

I no longer want to be your mother Boo.

There. I told you you'd hate me.

I want you to know that I have loved being a mum to you these last ten years. Every moment. And I am so proud of you too. You were in a bad place back then, when we met, remember? But we turned that around. You and me and your dad together. We did that. We got you back on track, Boo. And excelling! Now you've become a fine young man and I am so, so proud of you. You are kind and you are sweet. You are hard-working and you are smart and I wish I was half as clever as you!

I just know you're going to get 'A's next Summer!

This will seem cold, but I know that it's true. Boo you don't need me anymore. You can get out there in that great big world and you can make things happen. Do great things Boo.

And in a few years, I'll get back in touch. And we can meet and chat, and we'll both look back and see that this thing was right for both of us. And maybe you can't see that right now, but things do change, Boo. Always. Just like people.

I read somewhere that the meaning of life is just that it stops. I don't want my life to stop. I'm not ready!

It's time to paint ourselves anew.

Follow your dreams, Boo.

I love you (know it always).


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