Chapter Twenty Nine

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[iki mish yoj]

I tried, and failed, not to smile at the message on my phone.

[stop missing me and have fun at the party idiot <3]

I put my phone back on my table, returning to my laptop. I had an essay to finish. Which sucked, but I felt more on track with school over the past few weeks. I was making progress at any rate.

I spent a lot of my time, just scrolling up and down looking at what I'd already written, but occasionally I'd throw in another line or paragraph.

I didn't realise how late it had gotten, until I was jerked out of my train of thought by the sound of my phone vibrating against my wooden cabinet.

03:13

I frowned, when I saw it was an incoming call. Swiping to accept I placed the phone against my ear. "Conner?"

"Hey you awake?" He was whisper shouting.

"No. I'm sleep talking." I responded sarcastically.

"Good. Let me in."

I pulled a face. "Let you in where?"

"Into your secret club." He deadpanned. "Into your house idiot. I'm outside."

"What are you doing outside my house at three am?"

"I wanted to see you."

I bit down hard on my lip. "Can you climb?"

"I think so."

"I'll get my window for you." As I spoke I stood to my feet and started making my way across my room. Cracking open the window I stuck my head to see Conner standing on the grass waving both his hands over his head, as if I needed that to spot him.

A soft laugh escaped me. I gestured for him to put his phone back to his ear. He did.

"Get up here you dork." I told him.

"Rodger that."

I hung up the phone. It took him a while but eventually I was helping to pull him through the window.

"You're so fucking drunk." I laughed when he toppled down onto the floor, pulling me down with him.

He smiled up at me, the skin around his eyes crinkling slightly.

"Hello."

"Hi." I laughed out, giving him a light shove to tell him to get off of my legs.

He rolled away, stumbling to his feet, putting up both of his hands as if to say 'stuck the landing', which set me into another rounds of giggles.

"Fuck, I love your laugh." Conner said point blankly, shocking me into silence.

"You're drunk." I decided to say.

"Extremely." He admitted.

Standing up I pulled him to the bed. "You should sit down."

He let out a content sigh, following my direction. He slumped down into my side, his head resting on my shoulder. "You take such good care of me."

"I know. You don't deserve me." I told him, running a hand through his hair.

He let out another small sigh.

I kept running a hand through his hair, keeping his fringe out from his eyes.

"You know, I always thought my dad was the worst kind of asshole. Now I just think he might have been stupid in love." Conner said his eyes fluttering shut as he spoke.

My hand hesitated, before humming in agreement, and continuing.

"I mean he was with her for years. He probably loved her. And then she broke his heart." He looked so distressed and I felt kind of helpless watching him.

"What did she do?"

"Cheated on him and then left. He kind of cut off from everyone after that. Which fucking sucked. He was just so hung up on her. He barely even paid attention to me. I kind of moody about it." He scoffed out a small sound too hurt to actually be amusement.

"I'm sorry." I told him pressing a small kiss on his forehead.

He swallowed audibly, and I pulled back.

"You're were right you know. I don't deserve you." He said with a tired yawn. "I'm kind of an asshole. Not even kind of. I'm the worst asshole I know."

I snorted. "Worse than Leon?"

I expected him to laugh it off. He didn't.

"So much fucking worse."

I pulled back slightly. "Conner, are you alright?"

"I'm drunk. And an asshole. I'm a drunken asshole."

"You're not that bad." I said. "Why are you being so harsh on yourself?"

Conner shook his head. "You don't know. You'd hate me. You should hate me. I'm the worst."

"Hey Conner-"

"I should have ended things ages ago. I should never have even started things."

"Wait what? Conner?"

He looked at me quick enough that I flinched back. "Not things with you. Well yes things with you, but not in the way you think. I just want to restart. I want to change the start. I got it all wrong."

"Sure you were a jerk at the start, but that doesn't mean you're an asshole. Seriously what is wrong with you?"

"I'm going to fix it." He said determinedly.

I shook my head. He was really drunk, and he wasn't making sense.

"Yeah sure. You can fix it, but you should go to sleep first." I told him.

He didn't look like he believed me, but he didn't argue either, he just pressed his side solidly against mine again, closing his eyes.

It took me a while to push the uneasy feeling settled in my mind to one side, but I eventually managed.

Everything would be fine tomorrow.

I fell asleep, curled next to Conner.

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