**this is just me spilling my heart out so please do not hate. It's not made up, it's not fake, I just needed somebody to talk to so I wrote my feelings down.***
By day I have such a good relationship with my mam. We laugh and joke like no tomorrow, nobody would ever be able to tell anything is wrong; until the nights that she is off work.
One glass of wine turns into two, three, four, a bottle. She could turn into the happy drunk where she would come into my bedroom and smother me in kisses, joking with me and laughing the whole night or she would be he total opposite. She would start just by expressing how I have done something that has upset her that day. As time goes on she gets more worked up and less upset, more angry.
She would scream at everybody in the house for a while then finally come to me, the door would fling open and she would stand there and scream at me telling me things such as "you're pathetic", "I'm sending you to live which your dad, you little bitch", "your so selfish".
Time goes on and she just drunkenly repeats herself, still screaming at me. I would try to calm her down at first until she says something that really hurts. Then I would stand up for myself calling her things as bad as the things she calls me, but I still know not to cross the line; she is my mother, I am the daughter.
Slamming through every door she goes through she gets more aggressive towards me. I get scared but down show it. She always mentions the lack of respect I have for her, but how can she expect me to respect her when she is treating me like this at least once a week.
I hear her cry from her bedroom out of anger, still calling me names. I hear all of it, she never realises but I do. It hurts so much to have somebody that close to you saying those things.
I have learnt to hide in my room, try and stay out of her way but I think that encourages her. I feel like I'm waiting for the day she swings for me and gets me. I mean I probably over reacting, she wouldn't do that would she?
