I LOVED YOU FIRST- an AU ft. GOT7 Yugyeom (xreader)

Yugyeom's Journal

3-1: Hospital again. What's wrong with this doctor? Yea, you got me writing this damn diary but I won't do chemotherapy.

3-6: I told her I don't want to be classmates with Aileen anymore but truth is, she's the one I want to avoid. It's hard to hide feelings. I don't want to become close to her again because I'll leave her anyway.

4-14: I got out of the hospital. After finals, I got confined again. It's Gummy's birthday soon so I asked the doctor if I'm allowed to travel. Not that I care. I'd still go even if he didn't agree.

4-30: I just got home. I'm so happy. We're really soulmates, even on pictures! Yea, I'm being stupid again.

5-22: I just got home from the hospital. Again. I'm getting pissed off of the smell there. I couldn't enjoy the vacation and I'm making my mother really worried. I hate this.

5-28: Enrolment again. I snatched her class schedule so I can see what classes she took and get the same. I can't stop myself. My headaches are getting frequent. I made a bucket list and number one is to stop avoiding her. I must spend my remaining days happily.

9-23: I feel so tired I got home. The professor took an overtime so we were dismissed late. I brought her home because it's dangerous to travel alone at night. I also thought of doing one of the things on my bucket lists. I asked my dad is he can help me with it and he said we'd go this Sunday.

9-26: Maybe I got used to needles on syringes that's why it didn't hurt much when I got her name tattooed on my collarbone. It's small and not really noticeable, just like my love for her. I'm being cheesy again.

11-14: I'm starting to hate my birthday. Last year, we were fighting so I didn't get to celebrate. This year, my head hurts like crazy. But I received her text and I still managed to smile after everything. It says 'Happy birthday, Gyeommie! Where are you? Let's celebrate!' I think the doctor thought I'm crazy because I was smiling while he's injecting me. Well, there's really something going on my head, alright.

11-24: I'm annoyed at Ms. Lyra. She's making me feel that I don't deserve Gummy. I know that but she didn't have to rub it on me. Gummy is smart and she has a long way to go. I know I'd just hold her back that's why I'm distancing myself. I'm contented being just a friend. I don't know, I just feel sad when she said that. And I also noticed how she looks at us as if she knows something is up. Maybe I should stop coming to her class.

12-15: Gummy forced me to go to class. I can't help it. It's like she can control me!

4-11: I don't know why but I feel so proud of her. I'm not her father but I'm so happy that she's top 28 among the 200 examinees. I showed the result to my mom and asked if I could go to this amazing girl's birthday and she agreed. I wanted to celebrate her passing but I was taken to the hospital, again, so I'll just make it up on her birthday.

4-29: I wanted to give my present but she said she's out of town with her brother. I guess I'll just find the right timing. It's nothing big anyway. Just a necklace, that's all.

5-28: I snatched her schedule again so I can get classes on the same day. At least that way I can still see her at school.

6-21: She uploaded a picture with Ronnie. I knew he's gay but I teased her just so I can talk to her.

7-12: I don't have much to say. I miss having a smart and irritable seatmate.

8-2: Professor asked why I'm good at recitations but so so on exams. Maybe I'm just really good at words.

8-16: There should always be a party so I can see her often. She looks so happy earlier. She didn't even put the microphone down. I keep on thinking whether she's sad because she's not our classmate anymore. Good thing she's friends with that Ronnie now. I know he's gay, alright, but I still feel jealous because he's smart and if he is straight, he can easily get Gummy. Good thing he's not so he can't take her from me. Wait, she's not even mine anyway. But you get the point.

8-29: We are required to watch the prose making tomorrow because she's the representative. I had no idea what a prose is so I searched for it. She's really great.

9-2: She won second place and I celebrated with them but I lost consciousness. She found out what's wrong with me. She talked with my mom and even watched over me the whole night. I feel guilty and I don't know what to do anymore.

9-11: I can't go to school anymore. It's okay but she suddenly came here. I couldn't talk to her because I don't know what to say. She went home late afternoon and my mom scolded me for not even leaving my room to greet Gummy.

9-17: Yerin visited me. Good thing she didn't go here on a Sunday because Gummy will be here too. I don't know, they've talked before but it's weird to see the two of them actually talking to each other. Yerin was the reason why I first talked to Gummy. Wouldn't it be awkward?

9-18: She's here again. Mom told me she's chatting with my sister. Maybe next week, it's my father's turn. I've said it before; she's not hard to love. My mom and my sister likes her so much.

9-24: Aileen and the others came to visit me. They heard about me dropping out of school. The attacks are coming at random so I have to stay in for three months or until I'm stable. Aileen knew everything so we talked in private about Gummy.

9-25: Like Aileen's suggestion, I went down to talk to Gummy. But I messed up. I was planning to make her accept the fact that I'm dying. But she suddenly wanted to be stuck with me. How are we going to do that? Is she saying she's gonna marry me?