Story of My Goddamn Life

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I walked out of the room I had been provided two days after I had found out that those people had murdered my kid and the incident with Black. My body seems to be all for fucking the man while my head is screaming bloody murder, telling me that I am not gay and I am mated, which is technically not true since my mate is dead, but i feel as though she is still here and having sex with another is like cheating. 

Black just makes me feel like gay is the right way. With every look, touch, and smile I get from him it makes me want him....I want to blame it on my stupid wolf but I kind of can't.  

I began my journey down the hall and toward the dinning room. I can not say I am not still pissed at Axel for not telling me that Zane had slaughtered my son, but he is my little brother so I cannot really do anything. He had been my other half while we were kids. We got in trouble together, shifted together, and fought each other. We were the image of brothers everywhere. 

"Shade!" I heard someone yell from behind me. I turned around and met the eyes of Nathan. He was such a beautiful child with his dark green eyes and his blood red hair that could almost be mistaken for black. 

Black. God I wonder if he hates us. 

Shut up! I yelled at my wolf. He has been acting like that ever since I forced myself out of Black's room two days ago. He is practically craving the man and it is getting on my ever lovin' nerves. The image of the young boy with bright blue eyes, midnight black hair, and the stubborn bottom lip that stuck out when he pouted used to take over my head but now its the giant, muscular man with clever blue eyes, the same silky, black hair, and the look of pure self-hate in his eyes. Or sometimes lust. The lust he had shown me clouds my mind just as much.....or possibly more.

"Hey, can we talk?" Nathan said, yanking me out of my head. 

I crossed my arms and looked down at my Nephew. "Yes?" He narrowed his eyes and straightened his shoulders. So stubborn. Just like his dads. 

"What happened to Xavier was an accident and all his fault, Uncle Shade. He snapped! He completely snapped when Zane said he couldn't love him because somewhere out there was his TRUE mate. He attempted to kill Jessie, Hank, Jessie's dad, and Jessies's mom. He successfully killed Hank's mom! We had no control over Xavier! He turned evil. It's not our faults." 

But it's mine, I wanted to whisper. If I had just stayed here with him, I could have prevented this. I could have prevented him from going crazy. i could have helped like a real father could. Like a real father.....could.

"Who killed him?" I asked.

He rolled his eyes. "Jessie killed him. He was protecting his parental unit. God, did you hear anything I said!?"

"Bye, Nathan," I said and then walked away. I heard him curse but he left me alone. I walked down the hall but stopped at Black's door. I knocked after some time of just staring at it and waited. When it opened, I stopped breathing.

Black was standing in only his boxers with his hair a mess on his head. He looked "Shade?" he said as he rubbed his eyes. I saw his cheeks turn pink and bit my lip. Oh fuck me.

"I was just stopping by to see if you...were...okay...?" Lame ass! Lame! Lame! Lame!

He looked down. "Yeah, I'm fine....I guess." We stood there silently. He rubbed the back of his neck and I nodded my head to nothing at all.

"Did you need anything else?" he asked.

You in my bed. "Um. Damn. Would you like to join me for dinner?" I said lamely.

His eyes got wide and he shook his head. "No! No thank you!"

"We can leave the mansion," I offered.

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