Hopelessness

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They said I should leave her.

They said I should leave him.

They said I'll never be happy with her. That I'll invest agony with her. That it was just a freaking pity that I felt for her.

They said I should let him go for me to be happy. That I will get nothing out of him. That I'll just suffer being around him.

But it wasn't. I love her.

But that's not it. I love him.

She has brain tumor. And she was on her worst stage. She was getting weak every single day that I visit her. She's even forgetting me. She barely speaks. It's the side effect of her therapy. She's getting weak and I can't do anything. I can't do a damn thing. I'm just there, watching her as she suffers from her illness.

He has bone cancer. On the worst level of his disease. A year ago, he got his legs amputated. They said he was already well. The doctors said that the cancer cells died because they cut off his legs and got himself an improvised leg. But it's not. The cancer relapsed and it was worst than before. He was upset - no, he was devastated. We were happy the day they've said he was well. That the disease has died and it will no longer haunt us. But it didn't happen. He was there, at his bed, having the worst time of his life.

Sometimes, she doesn't remembers me. And it makes me upset. Why does it have to be her? Why does it have to be me? Why is my dear girlfriend suffering in this freaking illness? Why does it have to be me? Why can't I do anything? It makes me upset and lonely sometimes. I can't do anything to her. She can't even remember me. She yelled at me sometimes. It was her cancer. The cancer is eating her up.

Everytime I stared at him, there's always a pain in my chest. The pain that wouldn't let go off my chest. It's like a knife is stabbing my chest all the time. He's weaker than before. Aside from his tired face is his blank face. It's like he does not want to fight anymore. Why does it have to come back? He's cancer-free just yesterday, now they said that it came back. That doesn't even make sense.

When I visit her, I would always smile. I want her to see me strong so she could fight. I want her to fight. And if I want her to fight, I'll make myself stronger. It's painful seeing her. Her once beautiful and silky hair has gone and gone dry. Her deep beautiful brown eyes had dark bags along with it. It wasn't lively anymore.

"Hey," I said as I entered her room. She smiled back.

"I brought fruits. Want some?" I asked but she refused.

I sat beside her bed and kissed her in the forehead. She hugged me as I kissed her. I'm glad she's not having a bad mood today.

"How are you?" She asked. I looked at her and cupped her face.

"Loving you still." I answered as I put my nose on hers.

She closed her eyes and she said, "I think it's time for you to stop it."

He was tired of fighting. I can feel that. I was also there when he fight before. I saw him fight. And it's not like this. He was lively before even though he has cancer. He had hope before. Because they gave him hope. The doctors gave him hope but fate take that back away. And now, he's just fighting for the sake of the people around him. His family and him. He was obliging himself to that and it hurts me a lot. I kept on weeping after I see him. I fake my smile so he won't see how sad I am. I wanted him to fight. Not just for us but also for his self.

I heard his yell in his room. I hurriedly went up to him. As I opened the door, he was there lying in the floor. Grunting and trying to reach some pen and paper in his table.

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