“Okay. We have Quaff, Diet Quaff, and Quaff with Lemon. Quaff with Lemon is proving to be very popular. What can we take home from this?”
“Clearly our customers are intrigued by this bold new flavour. It’s quite likely they’d respond well to something even more exotic.”
“You mean something like Quaff...with lime?”
“I think we’re looking for something more exotic than that, sir.”
“Alright. We need ideas, people! Where can we take Quaff next? It’s got to be really off the wall.”
“Actually, I’ve had this idea for a while...it’s kind of crazy, though.”
“Good man, Bert! Right now I think crazy’s just what we need! Let’s hear it.”
“Okay. What I’m thinking: Quaff Gravy.”
“Say again?”
“Quaff Gravy. A handful of people are already adding Quaff to cooking. I feel that something like this might gain a cult following.”
“You’re serious. Quaff Gravy.”
“Is it, like...thick? Or what?”
“Not properly thick, no, but I was thinking...I don’t know...a sort of milkshake consistency.”
“So it’s still a drink.”
“Yeah! But you can also have it on a roast.”
“I’m sorry...just to be clear. We’re talking about a thick, meaty soft drink?”
“That’s crazy.”
“I thought you said...you know...crazy was what we needed.”
“Okay, yes, I said that, but this is just...I can’t get my head around it. Is it still fizzy?”
“Yeah.”
“And sweet?”
“Yeah.”
“So you’re suggesting a thick, meaty, fizzy soft drink...with sugar and sweeteners.”
“Yeah! Quaff Gravy.”
“It sounds salty. Is it salty?”
“Well...maybe.”
“You haven’t thought about it?”
“It would need to be taste tested, no question, but...come on! You said you wanted something off the wall!”
“Hmmm. We do. But at the same time, we don’t want to drive away our customers. Our brand is familiar, well-trusted. We want to challenge consumers with a brand-new taste sensation, but it has to be something they’ll accept. Nothing that’ll overwhelm them. No, I don’t think...I don’t think the world is quite ready for Quaff Gravy. But don’t you worry—we’ll come up with something even if we have to sit in here all night!”
This story was brought to you by Quaff with Lime. Quench your thirst with Quaff!
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Red Herring
HumorWritten one-a-day in July 2013, these thirty-one more very short stories feature a wide (and often surprising) cast of characters: a drunken angel, a baby-themed supervillain, a man who spontaneously turns into two mildly annoyed horses. This book i...
