She was in my dreams again. I could see the tears in her brown eyes, smell the raspberry scent from her jet black wavy hair, see the sad but beautiful smile stretch across her baby pink lips. I had to wake myself up to stop seeing her leave again. I'm fed up of feeling this pain inside. Why is it so hard to move on? Why is so difficult to be happy again? Elena Jane Deyes, what have you done to me? I composed myself and got myself out of bed to make my way downstairs. On my way down I could hear my sister Zoe and one of my best friends and her boyfriend Alfie speaking who like me were staying at Dad's for Sunday Dinner. "We can't let Joe see her, he's not ready. He's been different, he's still hurt, I just know it." Zoe said quietly. "I agree, that's what Marcus told her, but if he finds out she's here, I don't know Zoe, I think he'll try his best to see her again. We can't tell him Elena is home." Alfie replied. I felt sick, the sound of her name brought tears to my eyes. She's home. I can't see her. But, I miss her. I... love her. After all these years I still love her. I shook my feelings off and after Alfie and Zoe finished their little conversation I decided to join them. "Morning." I pronounced, they turned round and greeted me in the same way. I had my breakfast and spoke to them about many random things. "So, Joe, what are you going to do today?" Zoe asked. I thought about this for a while, what would they want to hear? "I'm going to call Niamh and ask if she'd like to go for a walk or something." I informed her. Niamh was my girlfriend. Zoe and Alfie were pleased about that so I called Niamh up and arranged to meet her.

Niamh was always clingy when she saw me, but I got used it. She had short baby blonde hair and a face full of make up. Her eyes were lime green. We walked together, she clinged on to my arm and laughed for no reason. "Joe, babe, why are you so miserable today?" She questioned in a whiney voice. "Just feeling a bit icky, that's all." I lied. She held my hand tightly and swung it backwards and forwards. "Maybe I could kiss you better." She winked. I forced a smile when she placed her lips on mine. There was no spark, no butterflies, not like the ones I felt whenever Elena touched my hand or hugged me or smiled. Niamh was a distraction, to keep me from wanting Elena. It wasn't working, now Elena was home, I wanted her more than ever. I can't feel like this but, you can't help who you fall in love with, right? Besides, Niamh didn't love me. She was only dating me for my money, she knew about my YouTube so she knew they paid me. She put on her loving smile, I could see right through it. She was always asking me to buy her things, if I refused then she refused to speak to me or she'd be very spiteful towards me. Other guys would drop her by now but I can't, she's my distraction from Elena, I need her to keep me sane, like I said.

After my walk with Niamh I dropped her off home before returning to mine. Zoe was watching the television in our living room. "Hi Joseph! Had a nice day?" She wondered politely. I shrugged my shoulders and sighed. She looked at me sadly before saying "You need to forget her Joe. I'm sorry. You need Niamh, you need to be happy. I miss you being happy." I shook my head, when was anybody going to understand how I was feeling. "Yeah..." I simply answered as I couldn't be bothered to go through the same conversation again. I loved Zoe, and she cares about me, but I just didn't want her to lecture me again. I've had enough of that for the past three years.

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