XX

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The way ahead of me seems long, too long, and terrifying as I sit in the back of a train, driving back home.

In my heart there is immense sadness, filling my being and making my thoughts unbearable, yet I still try to convince myself that I'm doing the right thing. I'm keeping my life together, for all the right reasons.

It doesn't seem like it, though. It seems like I made the biggest mistake of my life, choosing to leave Harry behind.

There's a small piece of hope I keep on clinging to, a foolish piece of me, that he will come after me. He won't and I know it, but I still hold on to the hope, the hope that at the moment is the only thing keeping me on my feet.

When tomorrow comes, I'll be on my own,
Feeling fightened of the things that I don't know

Flashlight plays in my earphones and I struggle to fight the tears escaping my eyes.

I think that he knew it. He knew that I wouldn't stay. He knew that things don't work out in our way most of the time.

Sighning, I force my eyes close and try to fall asleep to escape the reality even for a short while.

You made the right decision. You would spend the rest of your life running. You wouldn't be able to live your life like you're supposed to. You wouldn't finish high school because of the constant running. You wouldn't get a good job. You made the right decision. You made the right decision.

You made the right decision.

I squeeze my eyes shut, ignoring the single tear that escapes my eye.

I love him so much, so much, but this is real life. In my dreams, I would go with him without a doubt, but I have my whole life before me.

It was a selfish thing to do, leaving him behind like this, but I hope he understands. I know I'll regret it for the rest of my life, but I'd regret it even more if I threw my life away.

Forcing my eyes closed, I struggle to fall asleep, but I don't know what else to do. I still have hours of driving ahead of me and staying awake, thinking, is torturous.

***

"Miss? Miss? This is the last stop. You have to leave the train." I feel a male voice and a hand shaking me back to reality and I cringe inwardly, not wanting to wake up yet.

I open my eyes and look up to a mid-40 years old conductor with a beard.

"Oh, okay. Thank you, sir." I smile at him and he nods and moves along to wake up the rest of the passangers fallen asleep.

I stretch my arms and look out the window to see which station I'm at and my eyes widen at the sight of thw familiar Missoula train station.

"Excuse me sir, but wasn't this train supposed to stop in Spokane?" I rush after the conductor and he gives me an odd look.

"It was, and it did. Two hours ago." he replies and I gape at him.

Goddamn it.

I force a somehow polite nod before leaving the train and sitting down on one of the benches.

What now?

The question that scares me the most at the moment because I have no clue about the answer and I always have an answer.

Sighing, I pick up my phone from my jeans and dial Gemma's number, and she answers on the third ring.

"Hey, sis! What's up?" she asks with a cheerful voice and I smile to myself. "Mind if I come by? I happen to be in Missoula."

There's silence on the other end for a moment, before she speaks with a dead-surpriced voice:"You're shitting me."

I almost chucle at her responce. "No, really. I'll call a taxi and be there in 10 minutes, okay?"

"Oh, my god, you're really here?! Forget the taxi, I'm coming to pick you up. Where you at?"

"The train station." I answer and she sends me a kiss on the line. "Be there in five."

She hangs up and I'm left to wonder how she's going to be here in five minutes, if there's a ten minute drive to here from her house, yet, true to her word, she arrives in five minutes and jumps out of her car, right on me.

I barely manage to stay on my feet as she wraps her arms and legs around me and buries her face in my neck.

"Oh I missed you so much." she breathes and a tear escapes my eye.

"I missed you, too. More than you can imagine." I tell her back and she gets off of me, frowning when she sees the tear on my cheek.

"What's-... Wait, where's my brother?"

I gulp. "In canada. I think. I'm not sure. He might not be there anymore."

Her look softens and I look away, gulping. He's all we basically talk about, our problems are the only constant thing on my mind and it annoys me.

"Look, how about today, we have a no-Harry day? We can talk about anything but my relationship." I say and she shakes her head. "I want to know what happened."

"You will. I'll tell you tomorrow, I promise." I push and she finally gives up, sighing and nodding her her head.

"Now, tell me, how's Liam?" I ask, smiling and she immediately beams up, telling me how great he is, like always.

We go to her house and spend an hour talking before Liam comes and we set up Monopoly.

Gemma ends up winning and bragging about it the entire night, until all three of us fall asleep together at around 2 am, exhausted.

Days like these remind me that even if it seems like it, it doesn't mean everything's lost. I still have amazing people in my life, despite losing Harry, and I have to believe that I'll survive without him.

I can't let one person have so much control over me like he did, because, in the end, it's my life. I'm the one who has to live it.

***

I'm sorry about what happened❤ I love you guys.

Do you think they'll get back together some day?

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