Psycho

Day 16

I kicked my feet back and forth anxiously as Dr. Perkins wrote down notes.  Other than a hello, that's all he's done since coming in today.

Dr. Perkins finally looked up at me with a grin, sensing my nerves. "No need to be nervous!  Just answer my questions honestly and in as much detail as you can.  Sound good?" He clicked his pen and prepared to write.

I nodded, taking a deep breath.  "Yeah," I said, unsure if it was even audible.

"Now, I have to ask...what made you change your mind yesterday about receiving help?"

I was still hesitant on talking about starving myself.  "Uh...well I...I could tell I needed help based on what had happened at Jason's house," I answered vaguely.

"And what was that?" Dr. Perkins questions.

I huffed, not surprised my answer wasn't enough.  "Well...I had trouble...adjusting to the new uh, living conditions at first."

He nodded.  "I'm sure you did! You were abducted and placed in an unfamiliar place and unable to escape it."

"Yeah...it was a lot to handle," my eyes drifted down.  There was some silence, Dr. Perkins knowing that there was more to the story.  I took a deep breath once again before speaking.  "I...I decided that if I couldn't physically escape then...maybe I could...escape everything..."

"Did you become suicidal?" he asked softly.

I slowly nodded, still not looking up.  "I started to starve myself."

"Now...did Jason do..."

My head popped up as soon as I heard Jason's name.  "Don't involve Jason in this!  This was all my doing, he didn't know when I started doing it!"

"But, you started to avoid eating because he kidnapped you."

"Not exactly...that's all I thought about.  Was how I was taken, that my life was changed, and I thought there was no way out...but I was wrong."

"How so?" Dr. Perkins asked, confused.

"Jason told me from the start that he would let me out of the room, roam the house and live a normal life once he trusted me."

"But you were still trapped at that house," he pointed out.

I shrugged, actually unsure.  "Maybe if I was there longer...I could start going out a little.  But who knows?"

"So...you don't place the blame on Mr. McCann?"

I shook my head to confirm.  "Not at all.  The opposite actually."

"Explain," Dr. Perkins nodded to me as he wrote.

"When Jason found out I wasn't eating...he saved me."

"Saved you?"

"Yes.  He saved my life.  He had me hospitalized, treated, and then even sat with me every day to make sure I was eating," I explained, remembering some of our conversations we had while I ate.  I couldn't help but grin.

"How did he find out you were starving yourself?"

I let out another deep breath, vaguely remembering the day because of how bad my state was.  "Well...for a few days all I was having was a few sips of water.  No food, and no anxiety pills.  So my anxiety rose and everything was heightened.  My thoughts, my claustrophobia, my fear...I couldn't even look at Jason.  Then one day I couldn't even stand anymore and I just...passed out in front of him...I don't remember specifics but I do remember the look on his face..."

"Which was?"

I thought about it, never really analyzing what it was.  "Something I had never seen from him before...I guess...fear..."

"Fear?"

I nodded.  "Yeah...he looked scared when I last saw him before passing out...it's one of the ways I know he cares."

Dr. Perkins stared at me a moment, and I refused to look away from him now. He then sighed. "By how you describe Mr. McCann, I can see why you admire him," He said, an unreadable expression on is face as he finished writing.

I didn't want him to think I worshiped Jason though, because that's not at all the case.  "Well...I wouldn't say admire but...I do have him to thank for my life," I said, making it clear I wasn't brainwashed or anything like that.

"I guess you do," Dr. Perkins said, but I could tell he didn't quite believe what I was saying.  I don;t think I could change his, or anyone's, mind about Jason.  All they saw was his criminal record, and that's all they would ever see unless they met Jason in a different situation like I did.

As Dr. Perkins wrote more notes, I watched and thought of what to finish the session on, knowing it was nearly over.  "Regardless what you people think of him...he's not heartless," I spoke up, causing Dr. Perkins to look up.  "I experienced it firsthand...otherwise he would have let me die, or even killed me himself," I continued as he stared at me.  "He has feelings just like anyone else...he's a human too."