Neurotic

Introduction

I always envisioned this day differently. Standing front and centre in a university classroom with hundreds of people clapping and cheering, news cameras pointed expectantly in my direction. Grateful people hugging me and shaking my hand for the work I had done, the one day I wouldn't mind being touched by unfamiliar people. Instead all I hear is tv static as I stand on that stage, the exhilarating applause instead replaced with the numb foreboding buzz of mindless men and women who didn't even know what they were celebrating. I tried to drown out the ignorance and hypocrisy that lingered in the auditorium air by envisioning that the senseless clapping alternatively was a steady rainfall after a hot day. Inhaling a deep breath I willed my mind to believe I could actually smell the freshness of the rain on the cement. It brought me back to my time in elementary school, walking home from Emily's place after spending the day there. I remember the street perfectly, Dawson Drive, with that curving steep hill where my adolescent home perched a quarter of the way up. We had a nice lawn and a multicoloured dogwood tree out front. Things were simple then, and the only problem I had to worry about was trying not to hurt myself being the clumsy person I am. High school changed that, and when it comes to my mind, being a brain scientist, I already know my issues, I just don't care to fix them.

Abruptly my thoughts are interrupted by the silence of the crowd and I realize they are anxiously awaiting the big speech and announcement I had once been so eager to communicate. The memories of the last few months leading up to this point flashed through my mind and for the moment, I let them consume me.