Leonis, 1:1, 2:14 - Roach Hotel - Bug*B*Gone

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October 26th, 1985

Parker grabbed the lamppost to slow down and quickly change direction to the right. He nearly lost his footing in the transition. As Parker rounded the corner of 6th and 44th, he noted one of his robotic pursuers, the one with blue eyes, oddly peeled off to the left and then disappeared down the road away from him. Parker then darted for a set of stairs that led to two large doors set into the front of an early Twentieth Century building. He hoped the doors would open.

The second mechanized creature continued racing past Parker and stumbled, unable to stop itself. Its front legs buckled upon impact with the road divider and it immediately tumbled and rolled a couple of times generating a loud sequence of bangs and thuds. The roughly three meter long, insect-like machine eventually landed on its armored back and produced sparks as it slid across the asphalt before coming to a stop. As the creature rocked back and forth on its upper housing, slowly rotating in a circle, the six hydraulic legs, once previously below its body, flailed helplessly about in the air. The machine screamed as it unsuccessfully attempted to right itself.

Parker grabbed the two handles of the former New York Loan and Savings building and pulled.


            "Wow, Diane, did you see that!?!!" Ronald asked with actual excitement present in his voice. He turned from the video screen toward his co-host.

            Diane sat in silence watching the activity playing out on the monitor above her head.


            "Oh...uh, yeah. Yes, I sure did Ronald. That was quite amazing. I do believe I have never seen an Agent outwit one of our R.R.O.A.C.H.'s like that before...what about you out there across the planet? What do you guys think we should do about this?" Diane looked over at Ronald. "Do you think it's about that time, Ronald?"

            Emergency sirens went off in tandem with flashing strobes and red flashers.

Ronald grinned into the camera swinging its lens his way. "I do believe it is! Everyone, it's time to vote for..." Ronald gripped the microphone and spun it toward the audience.

            "Roach Raaaagggge!"

            "Yes, it's that time in the show when we equip our mighty R.R.O.A.C.H.'s  with the weapons of your choosing. You at home and here in the audience will select one of three deadly weapons to equip your favorite R.R.O.A.C.H. with. We'll begin with R.R.O.A.C.H . ONE..."

A video of the spastic killing machine attempting to right itself appeared once more on the screen.

The audience began laughing hysterically.

"Uhhh, cameras thirteen and fourteen cut to R.R.O.A.C.H. TWO. It can leave that Agent alone for the moment, they're not going anywhere," the director's voice squelched over the studio intercom. "Someone send R.R.O.A.C.H. THREE over to ONE to get that dumbass machine flipped over! This is embarrassing."

"...let's equip R.R.O.A.C.H. TWO instead while we work out ONE's technical difficulties. Ready?" Ronald asked attempting to redirect the audience's attention.


"Totally awesome! So, for those of you first-time voters out there, here are the rules. On your touch-tone communicator, you'll dial 76224*46835, wait for the prompt, and then when your LCD display indicates it's ready, vote for one of these three radical choices: Select one for machine guns. Select two for a pair of chain saws, or select three for the flamethrowers! You will have one minute to dial in and decide, but first, let's hear a word from tonight's sponsor."

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