a/n: welp thank you so much for 40k reads and thank you all for always being so amazing <:(( ♡
CHAPTER TWENTY SIX
SKATING was the perfect opportunity to calm kihyun's nerves.
although it didn't really do that.
literally any other night it would have been the mere thought of stepping a foot onto the ice that was the cause of kihyun's legs to shake, palms to sweat, but something about what he was actually going to do, somehow felt more nerve-wrecking. which wouldn't involve some cool jump into the air nor some magnificent figure-skater-like twirl. it was more along the lines of spilling out every inch of his feelings and praying to every star in the universe that changkyun could possibly feel the same way in return. that could quite possibly be dazzling, though it could also potentially be the complete opposite.
kihyun just had to keep reminding himself that there was no turning back.
no way in wishing for a time machine to go back to- who even knew when; no turning back especially since kihyun was up until the early hours of the morning writing, re-reading what he wrote, questioning the meaning of life, consuming more than the healthy amount of coffee by a single human, and re-writing once again, which only lead to crossing out words and replacing them with what he hoped would be better ones. he jotted down everything he wanted to say to changkyun, wondering if it would be good enough for the boy. wondering if the tiny bumps and dips on the page would convey his emotions and feelings in ways kihyun knew he would never be able to speak out loud, at least not without stuttering, or stumbling over his lisp. there was no rewinding time because, frankly, he decided he didn't want to. and kihyun was tired of waiting, tired of searching for the 'right moment'. he came to terms that it wasn't going to magically appear out of thin air, so he hoped to create the moment instead.
"i'm surprised," changkyun spoke, slowling down next to kihyun.
"surprised?" he questioned. "why?"
"you haven't fallen on the ice yet." there was a playfulness to changkyun's tone, and kihyun mumbled a shut it before instinctively reaching out for the boy's hand to remain balanced—to make sure changkyun's words would stay true. obviously.
there was no more talking for a while after that, only nayoung's music playing over the speakers on a low volume while she put together parts of a new routine. it was okay, though, it gave kihyun some time to work out what he was going to say to changkyun; how he would approach the idea of giving him a letter. it shouldn't be overly difficult, basically just a two-step plan. step one: simply hand changkyun the note that contained all his feelings, same note that finalized with the words 'i love you'. step two: run away, far, far away, preferably in the other direction and plan the rest of his life living on saturn.
they were dramatic thoughts assembled together, something to ease kihyun's anxious heart just a tiny bit.
in the end, it wasn't a thing needed to be joked about. nothing about the way kihyun felt for changkyun was a joke. he knew that. otherwise, he wouldn't have had spent days, weeks, maybe even months, learning another language. otherwise, he wouldn't have attempted to then print the affectionate words his soul put together, down onto a blank piece of paper at three in the morning all for one beautiful boy he loved with his entire heart.
and again, otherwise, kihyun wouldn't be walking up to said beautiful boy right now, letter in his jacket pocket with fingers fumbling nervously at it.
he'd - probably - never admit to changkyun that when he first wrote braille, he forgot that he had to print the dots from right to left, so when the page was flipped over once finished, changkyun would be reading it as if he were reading a book. but, then again, the more kihyun thought about it, the more hilarious the situation seemed, and he felt the urge to tell changkyun the embarrassing story with intentions to hear the boy's laughter, to see the cute dimple so prominent on his rose-tinted cheek.
"hey," kihyun started, letting changkyun know of his presence, "i had fun tonight."
changkyun's face instantly lit up upon hearing the male's voice. (unless he was only imagining it). lips pulled up into that pretty smile kihyun always adored, he softly replied with, "me too."
this is the right moment.
"can i... can i tell to you something?"
eyebrows creased in the middle from kihyun's hesitation, changkyun said: "of course. you can tell me anything."
changkyun's tone and use of words reeled kihyun in so easily, so ready to trust him with all the power in the world. but in that particular point in time, it was kihyun's own power; something that could change his entire self-world in quick movements that consisted of dragging an index finger across seemingly obscured bumps.
this is it.
"you're so important to me," kihyun rushed to get the words out.
"i'm- really?"
"wait," kihyun gently stopped him, and reached out for his hand, "there's one more thing-" he then carefully placed the note into changkyun's hold, "-don't open it until you get home, please?"
changkyun took a moment to absord all that was being spoken and what had been done. he couldn't see the letter, unknown and confused as to why a boy gave him, someone who can not see, a note to read. then, slowly, it started to click in his brain, and kihyun visibly noticed it, too. how the brightness his unworkable eyes held flickered against the lighting, how his lips twitched so slightly upwards into a faint grin, mouth ready to form a sentence, perhaps two or even three. kihyun wasn't exactly ready for what he would've been said, not exactly ready for the future had for him.
not just yet.
"tomorrow morning," kihyun sputtered out quickly.
"tomorrow morning?"
"i-i'll come see you then, okay? and we can talk- talk about the note." clammy palms brushed down his jeans. "will that be alright?"
nodding his head, the pretty smile still being extremely clear on his face, changkyun agreed to the proposal. in fact, 'sounds perfectly alright with me' were the exact words, and the pang of so much love blossomed deep within kihyun's heart, he really wanted to just hold changkyun's face in his hands, recite the letter from word to word, enunciating each syllable with so much sincerity and keep the boy closer for longer. as impulsive the thought was, he didn't do it. kihyun knew their time for all that wasn't meant for right then. but maybe he was still too fearful for what changkyun's reaction might be.
it was okay, though.
tomorrow was made for them.
