I WAS SOBBING WHILE WRITING THIS SO BEWARE CAUSE MY HEART HURTS BAD 😭
(Don't worry, it's just her dream.)
Chapter twenty nine: Love, Noah.
I know what you're thinking. 'Why? Why would she do this?' And you're all acting so hurt and sad but none of you give a shit about me. Only my family does. You're probably talking amongst yourselves saying 'She was just an average girl who always wore a smile. She was cheerful and happy for a short while.' But guess what? Now she's older and things are getting colder, life's not what she thought, she wished someone had told her. She told you she was down, not once, or twice, or three times, but more than that and you let it slip by from then on she kept it on the inside. She told herself she was alright but she was telling white lies. I mean, can't you tell? Look at her dull green eyes. She tried to stop herself from crying almost every night but she knew there was no chance of feeling alright. She knew she was depressed, didn't want to admit it and she didn't think she fit it, everyone seemed to miss it so she carried on like a soldier with a battle wound, and held her head high. She had no friends at school, correction- she had one friend at school. But still no one cared enough to save her from this self hate. Things were going down, never really up, and now here she is writing this letter stuck in this stupid rut. I was going to write a letter to my mom saying 'Look at me now! Are you proud of me yet?' But I knew that would be wrong. My mom has done nothing but stand by my side and do her best to raise me. It was the world that should bow down its head in shame. So now, as I'm writing to you, I'm sitting on my bed staring out at the moon. Damn. Soon I will take my final breath then it's all over, all gone, and I'll be greeting death. Goodbye world.
I'm sorry Mom but this world is just not my place. I've tried for so long to fix this and fit in but I've come to realize this world's full of sin. There's nothing for me here, I'm just a waste of space, everyone just risks their lives for me and I'm sick of it. I've got no reason to stay here with this awful human race. It's truly a disgrace, I was misplaced born in the wrong time and in the wrong place. It's okay though moms because you'll see me soon. Just be there for Ty and Cam. And when your time does come, just look at the moon as it shines bright throughout the night. Please remember everyone's facing their own fight...but I can't deal with the pain, I'm not a fighter. I'm just not..You'll make it through the night, just hug Cameron and Tyler and dad. So just let the world know, that I died in vain because the world around me, is the one to blame. I know in a year, you'll forget I'm gone because I'm not really something to be dwelled on. So don't stress to much about my funeral. My presence on this earth is not needed any longer and if anything, I hope this makes you stronger.
You're the best friend that I ever had...it's such a shame I had to make you so very sad. But just remember that you meant everything to me and to my heart, you're the only one that held the key. Now it's time to go, I'm running out of space to write and yes I lost my fight, but please just hold on tight. I'm watching over you from the clouds above and sending down the purest and whitest dove to watch over you, and be my helpful eye so this is it mommy...I love you..Goodbye...
Everything seems darker these days. I know it's going to be hard, trust me lol. Charcoal colored clouds are a daily thing. And your arms are always covered up along with your legs. Even in the summer the nights don't seem as enchanting. Not when small bruises shaped like the bumps of your knuckles litter on your thighs. Self destructive lullabies, "I just need a friend, for once in my life." A desire for someone to stay ripped from your lips. So I stayed by your side wondering, if you wanted me to stay or needed me to stay. Of course I could say you remind me of scarlet blood and bathroom tiles. But you also remind of the river I used to play in when I was nine. You also remind me of the necklace I got when my grandmother passed away. You remind me of memories, the good, the bad, the in-between. You remind me of life, ty. Please keep on living. Reach for the stars. I love you,
YOU ARE READING
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