Chapter 24

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Guess what? I'm baaaaaaaack....


The past week has been hard. Everyday I'm dragged up several flights of stairs, strapped to a cold metal table, and scream through a gag as I lay in a puddle of my own blood. Every day I flinch more and more whenever Saruman--or anyone for that matter--moves. I'm not sure what exactly he's trying to do: is he just trying to cause me enough pain that I succumb to The Darkness inside me? Or is he trying to get me weak enough from blood loss to access my ability?

Yesterday my Gift came back to me, the mark on my leg faded away to nothing. There I was, sitting in the corner trying to recover from that day's events, when I felt a zap run through my whole body. Before I knew it, I could feel the energy that ran through the air, the concrete, Melnare's sleeping form, thrum through me. But I chose to heed Melnare's warning. Besides, even if I chose to use my ability to escape, I would run out of energy to soon--I'm too weak from blood loss to even stagger across my cell. Maybe that's why Saruman has decided to treat me as a lamb on the slaughtering block. But I've been slowly, oh so slowly, gathering energy from around me to build up my own reserves. At least I'm not as dead-tired anymore.

I can see that Melnare's concerned for my well-being, she always keeps an eye on me (even though I have yelled at her to stop), gives me her food--only keeping a small portion for herself (I have yelled at her about this too), and she allows me to keep warm with her cloak (I haven't yelled at her about this). Melnare's the thing in my life that keeps me living, every day she talks to me. She has talked about almost everything, she just doesn't talk about herself. She has literally kept the life from leaving me. As well as draining my blood, Saruman seems to be draining my will to live. But oh well.

All I do is sit, count the seconds until they come for me again. I wince as I move into a more comfortable position. Today--or was it yesterday, I can't even keep track of the days anymore--Saruman cut up my thigh. I looked down at my pants that are now crusted with blood.

The only thing that I take satisfaction from is the look of pure frustration on Saruman's face as he tortures me and I don't bend to The Darkness's will. Towards the end of every Torture Session I can feel the seductive power of that Darkness start to rise, but if Saruman knew that I was feeling it awakening, he wouldn't have stopped for the day. I fear for that day when he senses that I can sense that terrible presence in me.

My head nods forward as sleep takes over and I dream of blood, knifes, and cold metal operating tables that are not put in my head from Sauron but by me.

********

The shrill squeak of the metal door opening to the dungeon reverberates off the walls. I whimper away from the uruks that enter, my injuries screaming in protest. But I should know by now that they don't come for me at this time—they just bring food and a new water bucket for both Melnare and I. But still, I don't look up until Melnare's soft voice calls to me.

"They're gone, Lumornel, they're gone." Slowly I look up, searching all the dark corners for any that could've lingered. My breathing shallow, I crawl to where they left stale bread and old cheese next to a water pail. Melnare's wise, deep and ageless eyes watch me as I eat. She's making sure I don't puke. Sometimes my stomach just doesn't agree with food. At least not when my nerves and anxiety is acting up. Like it has been. Oops.

"My dear child, don't lose yourself to despair, for good things are just around the corner," Melnare has told me multiple times. I keep the words in my mind always, when I'm going to sleep, when I'm staring at the rust on the bars, when I'm being cut up. The words remind me of the stone Legolas gave me. I take it out and hold it. 'Just focus on the good things that are to come,' I tell myself over and over when all seems lost, but sometimes the sense of being left here and forgotten eats me until tears run down my face. I just need to live until I see my friends again, until I see him.

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