My mind was racing. Speeding faster then i could chase it. I felt the pain in my heart and i knew i was slowly falling apart. Depression wasn't just some sickness that could be cured. All the doctors lied to me just to fill me up with drugs and preachers with false scriptures. Depression isn't some anoying friend that will just go away. Its like an abusive parent but even with age you cant move away. The memories of the past haunt in me even in my day dreams and just like the scars it leaves i can recal every moment every scent of what led me here. Wishing begging pleading for the voices to just disappear. I feel like im a child who never got to live up to their potential because depression has been beating me down for years telling me im just mental. Damn i feel like im trapped with in this airless bubble. Slowing succumbing to being strangled by unwanted panic attacks, to not wanting to get out of bed but not wanting to miss hanging out with friends. To wanting to be left for dead but at lest to hold on to the hand of my best friend. To sometimes loving life other times wishing it would end. Depression comes in waves like the wave pool at soak city. You know the one where at first you think you're tough enough to go to the deepend then the waves come and next thing you know the life gaurd is telling u to let go of the edge. But u keep holding on because all of the sudden it feels like uve forgotten to swim. Yeah thats what its like when depression hits. Sometimes i feel like i can beat it. Feel like im at that point where i can get past it. But then yet again im hit by another wave. And back again i go struggling to fight the urge to just say ok. Im done fighting. Because i would be lieing if i said i was done fighting. I dont believe in given up fighting. Because i have so much to fight for. So many people have faught for me so the least i can do is fight for my life and make sure im here when they need me. So many people believe in me and i can't loose to depression u see. Im sore looser too but thats another poem. Depression is like a bad birth mark one that makes people gossip about you, but thats ok because hey at least im here standing in front of you Letting u know that its ok u forgotten how to swim. Just grab hold of that edge and never let go. Dont let your depression win.
