Deliver Upon Death

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DELIVER UPON DEATH

Johnny,

I've arranged for this letter to reach you after my death. I have tried many times to speak what is written here in person, but every time my guilt got the better of me. At times I thought it best to let this die with me, but I'd hate to think that you never knew. Maybe it's selfish of me, to have you know these things only to ease my own guilt. I'd like to think you'd thank me for letting you know. Enclosed in the envelope this letter is attached to is a detailed explanation of the events during my time working for your father. He was a difficult man to understand and I know you harbor ill feelings for him. I don't believe anyone could blame you. You were his pride and joy even though he showed it poorly. He believed he was doing what was best for you. You won't see it that way. Nobody could or ever will see it his way.

Do you remember that time I found you in the alley with a bloody nose? I'll never forget seeing you like that. You reminded me so much of your father in that moment, the grin on your face when you spotted me. You were so proud of yourself. But you are not the man your father was. You are better than him in so many ways and I know you have been a better father to your son. I always looked forward to walking you to school. No matter how he treated you the night before or that morning, you always smiled on the way. I was in awe of you. I still am.

That's why I hope you'll forgive me for harboring this secret for so many years. I hope by the time you finish reading what I've written you will understand, but that's asking for an awful lot. None of this should have ever happened. I blame myself for not intervening earlier, but it was never easy to stand up to your father. I feel incredibly guilty and I can only hope that this . . . confession, if that's what it's to be called, serves as my plea for forgiveness. I could have stopped this, but instead I stood by and watched him destroy you.

Many regrets,

Cal

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