I'm Sorry, I'm Trying

          I woke up this morning, in my cold, dark bedroom. I looked at my phone, 11:36. My notifications were Facebook messages and calls, two of them, all from you. I missed your call again, shit. I sat up on the edge of my bed, only to fall down again. My head was throbbing, is it was every day. Slowly, I stumbled out of bed and down the stairs. Walking was difficult, as if I were drunk. I took Tylenol from the cupboard above the kitchen counter, and went back to my room. My phone lit up, showing another missed call, from you. I'm sorry, I love you more than that.

I'm sorry that I can't get out of bed

I'm sorry that my heads always a mess
I'm sorry that I missed your call

For the third time in a row
I promise that I care much more than I show

We are only kids, what should we know. We know this is love, and what we want forever. If I knew it was going to end up this way, I would have loved you more, I should have loved you better than I did. Don't try to get me back, you'll only get yourself hurt. All I want you to do, is forget about me, about everyone here, so you don't hurt anymore. It's not your fault that we were pulled apart, I promise you that.

Don't get carried away, no
I'll only let you - down
Certain circumstances got me feeling low
Don't take it personally

I don't know anymore, what the hell is going on. All I know is that you, you are gone. I hate it so much, and I wan't to fix it, but I don't know how. You tell me not to do anything about it, but please, let me help. I cant sit here crying, whilst you're being mentally abused by your mother. Babe, I love you but it's not okay. They tell me it'll be okay, but I know it won't. I'm scared, but I can't show it. This isn't about me, but to them, it seems like it is. I wish I could put into words, how much I love you, and how much I need you to stay safe. Tell me it'll be okay, don't say goodbye forever. You promised you wouldn't.

Talk some sense into me, I've been feeling senseless
Acting selfish, hate myself so fucking much, I'm out of touch
But I can see through all the lies that they've been selling me
Quit telling me you know they know what's best for me
My patience being tested, see

You're leaving, changing schools, saying goodbye. You promised you never would, but I knew you'd have to eventually. I want you to know, babe, how much I love you, because I do. More than anyone else, I love you. You made me smile, without faking it. You made me happy, without distractions of any kind. I thought it was terrible, what happened at school, but this summer has been a marathon through hell, and that's putting it lightly. I came home, to find out about this shit, and now, I can't even process it. Fuck, I hurt you, like I promised I never would. I'm sorry, I'll make it better somehow, someday.

In the parking lot of the high school that I went to
Thought I hated it, but it's real shit when your friends leave
And you're back home with the same dreams
On the same street

I threw away time, like it was nothing at all. Thought if we paced ourselves, it would work out better. I guess I was wrong, because I made everything worse. I hated it, getting sent to the principals office, because I gave you a fucking hug. Now, I'd do anything to be sent there again, for the same reasons as before. I realize now, what I missed out on, and I wish I could have given you what you wanted, and what you deserve. I cant, though, so promise me, you'll find someone who can.

All of the things that I've taken for granted is now
Everything that I wish hadn't ended
All that I hated is now what I miss
Ain't that a bitch

I'm really sorry, I'm trying to fix it.

I'm sorry that I can't get out of bed
I'm sorry that my heads always a mess
I'm sorry that I missed your call
For the third time in a row
I promise that I care much more than I show 

I wish I knew how.