130 funny things to read

47.6K 33 16

1. Parents spent the first half of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk and the rest telling us to sit down and shut up.

2. Excuse me... have you seen my sanity... I think I lost it.

3. 364 days out of the year, parents tell kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween it's encouraged? Why is that?

4. No, I don't have PMS, I just really hate you.

5. My mind works like lightning, one brilliant, flash and then it's gone.

6. Stupidity is not a crime so you're free to go.

7. Having the love of your life say you can still be friend's is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.

8. Therapist= the/rapist... scary thought.

9. Tell the truth and run.

10. Don't follow me, I'm lost too.

11. One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

12. WARNING: Do NOT walk in my foot steps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff.

13. I'll try to be nicer if you'll try to be smarter.

14. It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full just drink it and get it over with.

15. So what if we act like immature idiots? We're having fun.

16. If at first you don't succeed skydiving isn't for you.

17. Do I have to spell it out for you or scram it in your face?

18. Education is important, school however is another mater.

19. Armatures built the ark, Professionals built the Titanic...

20. How is it possible to have a 'civil' war?

21. Why do people say, "you cant have your cake and eat it too."? Why would someone get cake if they weren't going to eat it?

22. Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them more.

23. Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meets strange people, and then kill them.

24. Guns don't kill people. I do.

25. It requires MORE courage to suffer then to die.

26. To die is nothing but a long good-bye.

27. Do not take life too seriously. No one gets out alive.

28. Why are 'wise man' and 'wise guy' opposites?

29. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

30. Only in America... do people order a double cheese burger, large fries, and a diet coke.

31. Ever wonder why the sun lightens your hair and darkens your skin?

32. Ever wonder why doctors call what they do 'practice'?

33. Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.

34. Fear is easier the understanding.

35. Replace the fear of the unknown with curiosity.

36. Everything has to end the good and the bad.

37. I am forever here to pull you back up or fall down with you.

38. Death is just the beginning.

Funny Read this story for FREE!