»part 19 » sticky fingers and hearts

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"and I would've done anything for you to show you how much I adored you..."


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They never tell you what it's like to climb up after a downfall.

Sure they always say there's nowhere to go but up. But do they ever tell you what that's like? Or how fucking hard it is to reach the top after you've fallen so far? No. Because no one wants to hear that shit. Nobody wants to know about how hard it is to pick yourself up along with all the pieces you shattered along the way because it isn't pretty.

There's nothing beautiful about cleaning up the mess you left behind. And that's exactly why they don't tell about what it's like after your greatest downfall.

"Cash," Vee spoke as she swung a rag over her shoulder, "Your old fashioned is too watered down. Did you taste this shit?"

I began to massage my right shoulder as Vee scolded me the tenth time over my attempt at an old fashioned. It was my first day at the Alibi and it hadn't been the greatest, to say the least. Every beer I poured, I managed to spill half of it before handing it to the drunks. Every shot I slid down the bar, skidded and crashed on the ground. All of my mixed drinks had more water than alcohol, and all the bottles I attempted to spin broke like my pride. My feet hurt, my back ached, and my head was throbbing.

Bartending shouldn't be as difficult as I make it.

Before I left the facility, my therapist told me some things to steer clear of on my track to recovery. She told me to cut out toxic people from my life. She told me to cut out all the negative thoughts in my head. She told me to not put myself in any situation that I deem as uncomfortable. And the biggest one: stay away from all areas with temptations.

Which included bars.

Growing up, I never saw alcohol as an addiction of mine. In fact, I thought drinking was more therapeutic than self destructing. I never knew I was addicted to it until my therapist pointed it out to me. So even if I'm not drinking anything, being close enough to smell it, makes my hands tremble and tummy turn. Even if I'm not drinking anything, I know how easy it is to get lost with one drop.

"I'm sorry, Vee." I took a deep breath, "I'm really trying."

"Listen, sweetie," She sighs, "I get it, okay? I get how difficult it must be for you especially since you just got out two days ago. But you asked for this. If you really want this job, you have to stop driving the customers away. We're already losing half of them without your sweaty hands and sticky fingers."

"I have kids to support now," She continues, "I need this place, Cash."

I look down at my messy converse and nod, "Okay. I'll do better."

She rubs the side of my arm and gives me a small smile, "Hey, I'm proud of you. You're already off to a great start."

"Thanks, Vee. I don't know what I'd be doing if Kev didn't agree to hire me. He really helped me out." I moved to the other side of the bar with Vee's rag and began to wipe down the sticky wood.

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