warning: mentions of a car accident.
CHAPTER TWENTY THREE
IF CHANGKYUN was granted only one wish: what would it be?
he would probably wish away the same annoying lights that flickered back and forth against his eyes; for him to only see complete darkness instead of watching vivid orange turn into green, then green change into blue, then for it to switch up, red for a split second, before it went back to blue. the colours danced across changkyun's eyes that didn't work anymore.
it was exhausting.
changkyun always thought, now that he was blind, he wouldn't see anything. too bad it wasn't true.
perhaps, it would've been better to be left alone with the memories of the last events he had seen. it'd probably be easier, to open his eyes and see the car smash into him whilst he was riding his bike across the road, rather than to deal with the irrating lights that never turned off—wait. erase that. changkyun didn't want to settle for just that. he didn't want to relive that night over and over and over again. he already was. what he wanted, was to go back in time and delete that moment from ever happening. he so badly wanted to be normal again.
huffing, changkyun brought his hands up to cover his eyes.
the text nayoung sent him kept popping up in his head: 'hurry up. my performance is about to start and i don't want to skate without you here.' changkyun squeezed his eyes shut tighter. she blamed it all on herself. but it wasn't her fault- it was all on him. only if he had left earlier, only if he didn't forget his jacket and had to go back home. 'where are you?' his phone shattered somewhere in the middle of the street five minutes after seeing that message, just like how the vehicles windscreen's glass shattered in his eyes. only if he checked one last time to the left before pedaling across the street, then, he wouldn't be blind right now. that way, changkyun wouldn't have had completely screwed up his life.
and he wouldn't be in the situation he was in currently; feeling like his legs were slowly breaking; eyes bleeding.
when changkyun began to feel something cold and wet run down his cheeks, they're only tears, he repeated to himself and proceeded to roughly wipe his face with the hem of his shirt. it would definitely leave red streaks along the sensitive skin, only to show up the next day, for everyone to look at him as if he wasn't coping anyone. but he couldn't see their pitiful gazes, anyways, so, it was one less thing to worry about.
might as well have 'i messed up' printed on a t-shirt, he thought.
moving his legs, trying to rid the uncomfortable tingling sensation he felt within them, changkyun accidentally kicked kihyun, who currently slept peacefully beside him.
well, he was, but now said boy started to stir awake.
"changkyun?"
changkyun contemplated if he should answer or pretend to be asleep.
"yes?" he cringed at his voice crack.
"what's wrong?"
"n-nothing," changkyun spluttered. he hoped kihyun couldn't hear how he almost choked on the sadness that felt like it was taking up all the space in his throat, or how pathetic he truly sounded, but, most times, the other could pick up on something as simple as the emotions he tried so hard to push down.
kihyun shifted under the sheets, seemingly to drift back to sleep. maybe he didn't notice it this time. but then it was when the feeling of cold fingertips coming into contact with his bare arm, that made changkyun shiver under kihyun's soft, comforting touch. he did notice. subconsciously, changkyun moved closer and let his head rest on the other's shoulder. he soaked up every moment of kihyun's hand slowly tracing lines up and down his skin. the other asked endless questions, showing how worried he was: the classic 'are you okay?' followed by many, many more. although, his sentences came out sleepily, muddled together, the soothing tone he used was enough to make changkyun's pounding heart, the pain he felt in his legs and feet, to decrease.
"i..." he went with saying the truth, "i'm not okay."
kihyun hummed, moving his fingers down and entwined them with changkyun's.
the boy's words from hours ago echoed in changkyun's mind. but he didn't feel like himself- at least, not in that moment. it was like he was placed in some horrible, repetitive dream.
"i have so much to say, b-but i'm scared you'll hate me."
"that's impossible," kihyun said.
changkyun believed him.
"it's all my fault." tears fell from his useless eyes. throat burned. "i screwed up. and it's all my fault."
somewhere in the middle of rambling and sobbing, changkyun ended up in kihyun's arms. being held tightly, hand rubbing his back, he wondered, why hasn't he left me yet? even after he told kihyun everything that happened; even when he couldn't stop crying. brushing his fingers through changkyun's hair, kihyun said it wasn't his fault. placing a soft kiss against his temple, the boy promised he was never going to leave him. "remember what i said?" kihyun murmured: "we will get through this together."
if changkyun could have only one wish, he knew exactly what it would be.
he'd wish to see kihyun.
