The Ancient Scrolls of RANT (Multi-fandom author rants/chains)

Acceptance

So here's a poetic rant about my past experience with someone I know....
((Picture is mine, drawn, scanned and colored on my phone....it's my OCs but also a ship DONT JUDGE ME!!))

I used to say to myself, love is overrated
I heard the phrase so many times and I thought love had screwed me over multiple times, so why not believe it
But I think I've been lying to myself
Because I can't honestly stand in front of a crowd and preach that that sentence is true
Sure I've had my share of rejection
A multitude of times
But I've been cheating my memories of all the fun I did pining after people
Feeling that joy even though I knew I would never be with them
I played all these scenarios out in my head about how I would I would tell my crush I was into them
Scenarios of how my life would be so much brighter and happier if they were mine
Scenarios even of how they would greet me in the morning
Or how they would text goodnight
It sounds stupid, but that's just me
Lost in a daydream of a better me
However, surprisingly, I was in a relationship at some point....
Shocking for me still
But yes, I'm pretty sure I had a significant other at some point....I mean I considered them one at least
See, I've been struggling to know if it was real because the person I shared this experience doesn't remember it the way I did
And if you were to ask me a few months ago how it felt to not even get acknowledgement that my relationship was real, I would've scoffed, given an annoyed groan and made some sarcastic comment about how "Greeeeaaaat" is was
But now, I don't even care
If that wasn't real, then it wasn't real
No matter how much I enjoyed that experience and believed it was real, it wasn't and I have to accept that
And I have
Finally
But that doesn't take all the memories away from me
I still remember all the flirty text messages
The prank song lyrics
Oh and don't forget the present and card I got for them, completely homemade!
It makes me so happy just thinking about it and I'm glad it happened
But it's in the past
The past that came with so many other bad memories that I didn't want to think about it ever again
And when I did think about it all this anger and sorrow just boiled inside of me, making me act and think irrationally
All this anger that came from the lost acknowledgement of all the good memories we shared
All the sorrow came from how broken and abandoned and empty I felt when I found out I wasn't getting a chance to make any more of those good memories with you and from the blood I remember seeing when I did something unthinkable just to cope with how I was feeling
I can't take back how I acted
And sure I have my regrets
But like I said, it's the past
I focused so much on the negative that I started to believed that love was just screwing with me
That I didn't deserve it
That I'd never find it again
All the voices in my head told me I wouldn't
I certainly listened to them
But I'm changing for the better
I know I do deserve a chance at it
I know I will find it again somewhere if I'm patient
Now of all the voices in my head, I'm the loudest
So I can be positive
I can move ahead
I can accept that my "ongoing problem" was all something I made up for myself in my mind
That daydream come true....was too good to be true I guess
So love of isn't overrated, it's just picky
It doesn't stop until you find the perfect person while also giving you these great memories to share with the people who just weren't the perfect person
And honestly, that's very fucking great if you ask me

HOPE YOU ENJOYED CAUSE I POURED A LOT OF EMOTION AND SOUL INTO THAT. 😐

Yep. Bye for a week guys!! /)