Chapter One - "What are doing, getting condoms from Annie?"

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Have you ever wanted to disappear? You know that moment when everyone was staring at you while you blushed so much, you were asked if you had a fever? Or when you stood in front of the entire cafeteria, gawking at the boy you loved for the past three years of your miserable life? Well that was happening to me and I was probably the most laughed at girl at Redwood High.

I should start from the beginning. The very beginning. You know, when everything in my life spiralled out of control and I went from geeky nerd to the gum that stuck under your shoes and you scraped off with an indifferent shrug. My name's Vivienne. Vivienne Lanter that was and if you asked any of my teachers about me, they'd probably tell you that I never existed.

Yes, you did just read that right. I was that unpopular. It wasn't like I was hard to miss, I just chose to stay away from the limelight that was high school popularity and friendships that lasted for the brief years before university. My best friend swore it was because I blended into the walls, with my baggy clothes and possibly the worst looking glasses a girl could own. It didn't help matters that I was a VL – virgin lips – someone who had never, ever kissed anyone in their life and probably, never would.

It was truly sad when I was about to turn eighteen, a senior that teachers didn't notice and still I hadn't kissed a boy. It was even worse when everyone knew that I hadn't kissed a boy. But there was something far worse than that. I could talk about my arch enemy or the fact that she had chosen me as her little pick-me-up whenever she was feeling particularly nasty. Or I could talk about how I lied for most of my life about living some sort of life in movies, to save my horrid reputation as a wallflower with no life. But the real issue of how everything happened, started with Matt.

Matt Jacobs, also known as the hot football player who lived next door to me ever since I could remember. He had the usual messy brown hair that flopped just perfectly over his forehead and eyes so green that you could get lost in them for hours. He was attractive and smart and all the things that you'd imagine your dream guy having, but more importantly he was also my friend. Well ex-friend ever since we joined the big, bad world or in simple terms, high school.

Most girls, or perhaps me, dreamt of having a guy friend to talk to about almost anything. And then you'd slowly develop a crush on him and before you know it, you're falling head over heels in love with him and then you admit your feelings and he admits that he likes you back and everything turns out peachy perfect and you get married, have a few kids and die happily together.

Well Matt was that to me, except things didn't go as I planned. Instead of Matt admitting that he liked me back, he told me to be realistic. We were like brother and sister, not that it mattered, because I knew what he really meant. His eyes had said it all when he looked at me and told me, "Viv, you're like my sister," which could be translated to, "Yeah right Viv, have you looked at us lately? I'm hot and you're clearly not."

To say that I didn't cry and smiled at him would be a lie. I just nodded at Matt and walked back to my room with this sort of forced smile and cried my eyes out until it was supper and then instead of eating mum's special lasagne, I stuffed my face with chocolate ice-cream and watched the Titanic until midnight. I probably could have handled my supposed heartbreak better, like maybe telling Matt that it was all a joke and that I could never love him. Although, that was a lie.

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