"Clara, I'm so sorry," Tyler cries. I'm numb. It's as if Tyler is calling from miles away. I really don't know what to think anymore. I knew this was coming. I've been waiting for this stupid day for a little over a week now. February 11th, 2014. The day that my father died. That's what this day will be remembered as now. I haven't even cried yet. I can't. The tears won't come. I'm past that point by now. I wonder if Sophia will still let me record an album, as broken as I am. Maybe. Probably not.
When I found out that my father was sick, I was terrified, to be honest. I didn't know how I was going to deal with it. But I thought for sure that I would have Harry. Instead, I have Eleanor, Tyler, and Callie. The three people who will most likely throw me a pity party. Maybe Tyler wouldn't have if this were five months ago, but now? I can tell from the way she looks at me that Tyler pities me. Harry is the only person I could have relied on. He would have forced me to get back to my feet. To prove to life that it couldn't beat me. But he's gone. He gave up on me. I'm not surprised--not in the slightest. If I were him, I would leave, too. Maybe even earlier than he did. I've decided that I'm not going to call him to tell him. I don't know if Louis or Eleanor already told him. But if they didn't, then he doesn't need to know. It's better for him to stay out of this. He doesn't need the stress. That's all I really do--I stress him out. Maybe this time I can spare him. I wonder if any of the boys will be at the funeral. I know Liam will be there, for Tyler, but I don't know. Maybe Louis will be there, too, for El and I. Honestly, Louis was my best friend out of all the boys. He was the one I could go to for anything. He loved me in that brotherly way. I always wondered what that felt like, but then Louis showed me. And I love him for that.
I know that everyone's worried about me, but I think I'll be okay. Broken beyond repair, but I won't be depressed. I won't be the same. Never again. But I will talk and walk and do things that semi-normal people do. I'll survive. I'll survive. I know I will. I have to. Tyler is gone now. She left a few minutes ago. I barely noticed. I hear a soft knock on the hospital door. I haven't left my father's hospital room since I came this morning and found him. I'm even in the same position.
"Come in," I say. My voice is surprisingly clear.
In walks an unexpected face.
"Hey, Zayn," I smile.
"Hi," Zayn smiles walking over to me and giving me a sincere hug. Well. I wasn't expecting this. Zayn is such a closed-off person, he doesn't usually do the whole pity-thing. "How're you holding up?"
"I'm okay," I nod. "A lot better than I thought I would be."
"That's good," Zayn tells me.
"Yeah," I smile. "I'll survive."
"Yeah, you will," Zayn laughs.
"So what brings you here?" I ask.
"I just wanted to visit. I realized that we never really had a conversation between the two of us, and I wish that we had gotten close. So I figured, it's never too late, right?" Zayn smiles that cheeky smile he has. It's so different from Harry's. No. Don't think like that, Clara. You and Harry are done. Stop thinking about him. I nod in agreement, chuckling slightly.
"Look, Clara. I know I'm not really in any position to give advice, but," Zayn starts. Oh no. I should have seen this coming. No one ever has pure intentions. My heart slowly but surely sinks to the size of an apple seed, "I'm really worried about you. I don't want you to shut down like you did last time."
"What do you mean, 'like I did last time'?" I ask. "When my mom died, I opened up to you guys. You guys act like I'm the most fragile person in the world, but I'm not. I'm not a piece of fucking glass, Zayn."
YOU ARE READING
How would you feel if your whole world was ripped from under you, leaving you free falling? Wouldn't you want someone to catch you? When Clara Higgens's mom dies from an unknown disease, Clara has no where to turn, except to her new and unexpected f...