Emotional Intelligence

Feelings

Feelings

For me, I've lived my life with so much fear. Which was linked to mental illness, more particularly PTSD. Fear that was triggered by traumatic moments in my life that had taught me things to stop doing. For example, I tried opening up to my parents about a couple things (in which I still cannot remember what they were) hoping they'd take me seriously enough, which they did not; making me choose to take away from that to stop being honest and to stop opening myself up to them. Therefore keeping my guard up and even with other attempts with this and others have lead me to increasing the level of my guard to higher than it normally was from the start.

These are the kinds of moments in life that you learn from. Because like this situation, letting your guard down for anyone whoever they may be, ends like that; easily makes sense to stop doing that for that fear of getting hurt again. You stop because you wanna save yourself from getting hurt again because you know from your numerous attempts at trying never worked nor got you what you wanted and deserved. You deserve to be heard and to be treated with the respect and yet overall treatment! You deserve to be treated with specialty. Like the treatment you get on your birthday.

One thing I gotta say about that is that my 20th birthday last year was not one bit to my liking nor what I wanted nor deserved. I was barely treated like you would on your birthday. In fact my parents didn't even know how to treat me properly with the fact that I was in my early recovery stages of being on anti-depressants for my depression. Regardless of that, there's no excuse for anyone to not treat someone the way they deserve especially on my birthday. Yeah so what I was recovering from my recent depression relapse, that doesn't give anyone the right to treat me the way they did. Another thing I learned during the whole birthday events, was to not make decisions when you are sad. When you are sad, you don't think straight nor clearly enough as for the fact when you are depressed, nothing good comes from those moments.

I almost got kicked out of my parents house just because I said I hated them. Guess what? I was being honest, why? Because I was in pain yet wanted to start being honest. But that got me in trouble. What made me feel hate for them? Well you know that quote by The Fosters being spoken by Rita:

"Parents don't love you more because you're biologically theirs. I mean your moms - they don't love you because you're easy to deal with or because you keep your mouth shut. They love you because you're you." - Rita

What are you thinking on this quote? To me, it means that all parents should love their kids like this. And to stop loving them when they become who they want their kids to be. What is love? Loving someone is when you accept their flaws and everything about them, and love them without the need or demand of changing them. Loving someone means inspiring them to change for themselves, to better themselves, to become the person they were always meant to be.

"Don't go blowing something up that could be great just because you're scared." - Rita

Just because you're scared, doesn't mean you should just basically sabotage your chances of having a better life that you truly deserve. Life is not easy one bit, and it will take everything we've got to make something with our own life and to do what matters: to do what makes us happy and to be who we wanna be with great utter confidence and no shame!