Calub's birthday is in a week, he is turning one in just a week! Where has this year gone seriously, It only feels like yesterday I were saying goodbye to Niall, and hello to Calub I miss my Nialler so much. But he's living his dream, dating celebrity's, drinking whenever he likes, doing what he wants when he wants, he's living the most perfect life.
The things that breaks my heart is the fact that Niall still doesn't even know about his own sons existence nobody does except me and my mom and my brother Dan and of course Maura, I really wish I could tell Niall, but what if he wants nothing to do with Calub, what if he gets so angry and we fight, or what if he doesn't believe me, that would break my heart, I guess I'm just so scared of his reaction and thinking it over has made it worse. I must admit, moving from Ireland to live on my own in a place I've never been to has been so hard, I never have any time to my self, I can't go out with friends because Calub comes first. Having Calub at a young age was hard, but I would have never have thought about getting him aborted or putting him up for adoption, he looks so much like Niall, he's the only thing that keeps me going.
Today me and Calub are going to go and get some decorations for his first birthday party, I want this to be such a great party, I have been saving since I found out I were pregnant for all his important birthdays! It's sad I know, but I want to give Calub the best I can, yes it hard without his dad but hopefully one day Niall with find out the truth..
'Calub, come on baby, where going out'
'Mummmy dirty' Calub saying running from the living room holding his chocolate smothered hands in the air
'Calub, you're not the chocolate monster are you'
Calub nods his head whilst having the cheesiest grin on his face ever. I can't help but laugh at his attempt to roar.
'Come on you, let's get you cleaned up and let's go out'
'More!' Calub screams in his pram demanding more food, he really is just like Niall. Shame Niall doesn't know him, but Calub knows Niall, when he sees him on the TV he runs around screaming 'daddy' all the time.
'Calub you've eaten 2 bags of crisps, a chocolate bar and a lolly already what more could you want' I say laughing
'More mummmy moreeee' he screams pointing at a sweet shop
'Alright but just one, otherwise you'll get fat'
A woman walks past laughing
'Thats what I tell Jack all the time but he doesn't listen' she says
'Oh bloody kids' I say smiling looking at Calub
'My names Emily, what's yours?'
'Nice to meet you Emily' I say shaking her hand, 'My names Ashley, and I must say you little boy are so cute' I instantly say looking at jack I think she called him?
'Aw thankyou, jack say hello to Ashley and..'
'Oh this is my almost one year old Calub' she chuckles handing me her number.
'Whats this for' I question
'Message me one time, we could have play dates' she answers with a cheesy grin.
'Aw thanks Emily I say giving her a polite smile and waving her off, heading towards the sweet shop to pick Calub some more sweets..