This is Why You Should Run

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We loaded up everything and got on the bus. It was decent sized and everyone was happy, I felt complete for possibly the first time in my life. I had everything I needed, I didn't care about what I wanted, but I had that too. I had Andy back, I had Cara and Cal. I had Zim, Pogo and Twiggy. But most importantly I had Marilyn.

But I didn't have time to focus on that, I needed to focus on draining all my self respect, because I knew during this tour, that it would have to be scarce. I thought everyone except Cal would be able to do this pretty easily. Cal had dignity, something that growing up, I never had, something I still don't have. And probably never will. I knew I would be violated and humiliated on this tour. I was dating the lead singer, and things would be bad.

"Cara, Cal, Andy, Nikki, can y'all come here?" Twiggy called us all to the couch. We walked over and sat down and he began. "Listen guys, you can say no, but Marilyn Manson needs dancers, and who better than the band's girls?" Cal looked frightened. "What do y'all think?" He added at the end. Cal's expression loosened.

I shrugged and looked at Marilyn who had his arms crossed and was leaning against the bunk behind Twiggy looking sexy as ever. "Babe, you don't need to do this." Zim sat next to Cal while saying this. Cal did what I did, she shrugged. "Zim, I need to loosen up, I have lived most my teenage life in fear. It's time for a change." Zim looked shocked and so did everyone else. "I'll do it." Cara spoke up. I nodded, "Me too." Marilyn's jaw dropped and he seemed worried. Andy shrugged just like us. "Hell, why not." Everyone looked at Cal who took a deep breath. "Let's give it a shot." Zim stood up. "Cal! You would be violated! You would be treated like shit! And I would have to join in for the image!" Cal looked at Zim and stood up as well. Putting his face in her hands. "Baby, you can't protect me forever. I know what could happen, and it's okay." Zim looked at her for a minute before nodding.

"Nikki. I can't do things like that to you. The other girls will be fine and I'll make sure they don't get humiliated, but Nikki, your dating the lead singer. You'll be the main attraction." I nodded and walked up to him, his arms uncrossed. "If I didn't know this was going to happen, I wouldn't have said yes." He nodded. "Okay... are you sure Nikki?" I laughed. "Yes baby." He took a deep breath. "Alright. Cara, your costumes are with Pogo's, Cal yours are with Zim's, Andy's with Twiggy's and Nikki yours are with mine. You'll all be wearing matching outfits." Everyone nodded.

We had been driving for a little while and things began to settle down. Cara and Pogo were laughing and playing cards at the table. Zim and Cal were in their bunk talking, Twiggy and Andy were being morons as usual and wrestling in the middle of the floor. And Marilyn and I were sitting on the booth in the corner. I had my back against the wall and my legs draped over Marilyn's while his arms rested on them. "Nikki?" "Yeah?" "I'm going to take care of you, okay?" I nodded. "I know baby." He didn't move just kept talking. "I won't be myself on stage, I won't respect you, I won't be sweet and mushy, I will be rude and obscene." I nodded. "I know Marilyn." He just nodded. "Are you sure you wanna do this?" I laughed. "Positive." He leaned forward and kissed me.

"Get a room!" Shouted Pogo. We all laughed. "Maybe we will." I replied. Marilyn laughed and squeezed my leg.

I stood up and kissed Marilyn again. "I'm going to talk to Cal." He nodded and didn't move.

I went back to Cal and Zim's bunk and knocked on the sliding door. I opened it and found Zim and Cal cuddling. I laughed. "Hey Zim, can I talk to Cal for a minute?" He looked at her, nodded and got up, slipping past me at the door. I walked in and closed the door. "Cal." "What's up Nikki?" She sat up. "Are you sure you wanna be one of the dancers?" She nodded. "Yeah, I mean, what about you? It'll be worse for you." I shrugged. "Yeah, but I've never had dignity, so it won't be so bad." She nodded. "It'll be alright. I need a change Nikki." I nodded. "I know you do Cal, but maybe this isn't the way to do it." She shrugged. "Gotta start somewhere." The sliding door flew open and Cara jumped on the bed. "What are y'all doing back here?" She laughed and winked, giving me a playful punch in my arm. "We are talking about the dancing, and if Cal should do it." Cara looked at Cal. "Honey, Nikki is right, I mean, the outfits will be revealing. But the guys are a rock band. They have an image to keep. And you, on stage, will just be a visual representation of how dirty rock stars can be." I nodded. Cal shrugged again. "I'll try it out and if I don't like it I can just back out. They will still have y'all." We eventually agreed on that, then we left and went back to our boyfriends.

"Babe, you want something to drink?" Marilyn looked at me with a bottle of Vodka in his hand. I shook my head. "Save it for before the shows." He laughed and nodded. We stayed up and hung out for a while before going to bed. The first show is tomorrow.

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