Chapter 7: Here Goes Nothing

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I'm really trying to get better at updating faster I promise, but I can't promise I will be faster as of now... I'm hoping by the summer I will be faster, but as of now, as you know, I am in school and school comes first. There are only about 8/9 more weeks of it left wooo hooo!!!!!!!!!! :) Then summer :)

Alright, so here's chapter 7! I hope you all enjoy it :)


My feet hit the ground hard. All I had to do now was run as fast as I could to my car without getting caught. 

Can you do this without having an anxiety attack for once? Come on Corella RUN!!! 

With that, I ran as fast as I could. I reached for the already unlocked car door, opened it, leaped inside, and started Clarissa (my car). I drove off toward Kyle's house trying to suck back my already formed tears in my eyes. Driving to his house was really hard for me because I wasn't sure how he'd react to me being this way. After all we used to be best friends, but then for years we've been torn apart. If I could take it all back and start over fresh I would. 

I arrived at his house. I climbed out of my car and started walking toward the front door. I had managed to get the tears falling from my eyes to stop, it was a miracle. I looked down at my phone and I was surprised to see that my mother and father had not texted or called me since I had cracked. I'm not sure why I was so surprised because they were never ones to check up on me or even care about me. 

I knocked on his door three times.

"I'll get it!" 

It was Kyle. The door opened slowly and I saw him. My heart stopped and I could feel the tears forming once again. He just stared at me with sorrow in his eyes, he felt for me which was sweet. He knew I had been crying the whole entire way to his house. I was embarrassed for my behavior at this moment. I considered just turning around and dealing with this all myself. I felt bad that I wasn't making eye contact, but at this moment there was no way I would've been able to. Tears welled in my eyes. I blinked and they fell ever so slowly. I knew he saw and he knew that I knew he saw. He took a step toward me to test his limits and he knew it was okay to hold me. "Come here." his voice was so quiet and comforting. I looked down and just cried. He wrapped his gigantic arms around me and just rocked me back and forth softly. 

It seemed like we just stood there like that forever and the only thing running through my mind was hateful words I was throwing at myself. Wow Corella way to go. You guys are supposed to be making amends and you're here just crying like a little baby. He doesn't really care why you're crying because he doesn't even care about you. Good job. The hateful words running through my mind only made me cry harder, but I couldn't hush them they just kept coming. No one even loves you. Not your mother, not your father, not you grandma or grandpa, your aunts and uncles don't love you either because obviously none of them ever seem to check up on you. Just give up already. You're unwanted. 

It was getting chilly and I was starting to shake. Kyle swooped my up in his arms and carried me into his house and up to his room. He laid me on his bed and tucked me under his covers. He rubbed my back and left the room. I must have closed my eyes and fallen asleep because when I woke up there were no more tears falling from my face, my thoughts had stopped, and Kyle was sitting in a corner with his face buried in one of my favorite books Finding Alaska by John Green. I ran my fingers through my hair and pushed myself up onto my forearms. I tried to not make any noise because watching his facial expressions towards the text was peaceful and frankly, adorable. I put my head back down and stretched like any person would do in the morning after they just woke up, except I shake when I stretch and make a loud noise that probably makes anyone with a trained ear believe that I'm actually dying. Oops... But don't worry I tried to control it this time so I wouldn't disturb Kyle's reading time. Too bad it didn't work. 

"You alright over there?" He asked, but didn't lift his head.

"Uh yeah." He lifted his head and put his book down next to him. Wow, was he attractive.You can't do this again Corella. You're just going to get hurt. I sighed. He stood up and brushed off anything he picked up from where he was sitting on the ground. He kept his eyes on me and walked over to the bed. Our eyes locked just as he was about to sit down next to me and I sat up slowly. 

"Would you like to explain to me what just happened? All I know is you came to my house wanting to talk, but all you could do was cry. It made me upset and nervous. I don't want to see my princess like that anymore, you don't deserve it." My mouth hung open. I didn't know what to say. He just showered me with his feeling and whether or not they were true, I felt wanted, loved, and cared for. 

Say something! Say anything Corella come one. Work!!!  "Uh, um, I uh..." was all I could manage to get out. Tears began to well in my eyes again. Not again. I took a deep breath and I restarted. "Well you see um, this morning my mom woke me up and said that our "family"" I used air quotes on family and he tilted his head in confusion. "Was going to spend a whole day together, but you see, my parents haven't had a full conversation with me in years. They never ask me how I am or call to check up on me. I'm always home alone and I've almost always had to fend for myself, but I did agree on going. When I went downstairs my parents both had smiles on their faces and were looking at me. I knew they were excited, but I just couldn't seem to get into the excited/happy mood like they were. I fucked everything up like I always do." One single tear fell. Kyle watched it and his eyes became lighter, he was so empathetic. "I just cracked, I blew up on them which wasn't fair. I couldn't help myself. They've hurt me so much over the past few years Kyle! I don't have any friends to talk to and my parents, well as you now  know, are always gone. They come home for maybe 2 or 3 days and then leave for at least a month. It's a cycle. I don't ever see them!" More tears fell and Kyle wiped them off. "I never have anyone there for me. I've been hurt so much and I was never able to get out my feelings! I couldn't! All I could do was sit at home and stare at a blank wall and make a decision I'll never really fully regret. I cut myself and it hurt. I did it once and only once and even though I've never done it again I still think about it all the time, I do. I need help and I can't find help because no one cares! NO ONE LOVES ME ANYMORE! NO ONE EVER DID! I HAVE NO ONE!" I broke down again and just cried. I sat on Kyle's bed and cried. I was lucky someone was there, but I was so embarrassed. I turned my back to him and lay down. I felt him put a hand on my shoulder and turn me over. I looked into his sorrowful eyes and him into my glossy, red ones. 

"I'm here." He said slowly. He lifted the covers and slid under. I could tell he felt bad and I knew he knew that he was one of the many who had hurt me. He held me to his warm comforting body and rubbed my back. He wiped my tears and looked into my eyes. He distracted me by doing so, probably to get me to stop crying again. "We've grown up and maybe it hasn't always been together, but we have grown up. I know I hurt you so bad, but I want to make that hurt go away, I want you to forget what I have done to you and I want to fill those bad memories with good ones. I'm here for you, but you need to let me be here for you." I half smiled and snuggled into his chest. He kissed my forehead and I looked into his eyes. I wasn't used to having anyone there for me and it was going to be hard for me to let him in, but I knew I had to let him. I wanted to change my ways. I didn't want to be alone anymore. "Have either one of your parents tried to contact you yet?"

"I'm not sure."

"Well lets check."

I sighed and became reluctant, but I knew it was the right thing to do. I searched for my phone and found it tangled in his sheets. I flipped it over to check if anyone had called or texted. My phone read:


Text message (100)

Missed Calls (25)


Text message (48)

Missed calls (67)

Maybe they did care...

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