my broken heart

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I am scared I have found myself in a place where I finally belong I just don't know when he will come and ruin it OK so I probably should start at the beginning here is what happened I was on my way to the airport with the police woman when I fell asleep when I woke up I wasn't at the airport I was at a foster home agency and I was so confused I looked around and saw the police woman talking to the secretary about something she turned around an walked over to me with the happiest smile I have ever seen an said

officer Jane: so your finally awake how was your nap?

I just looked at her with a confused look with made her kinda scared so I finally spoke up

Lilly: where are we I thought you were taking me to an airport

she looked up surprised that I remember that I guess she thought that I would for get and not even question where we were she stayed silent for few minutes the said

officer Jane: well hehe funny story uh

I started to get mad but really wanted to here her story so I didn't show that I was mad

Lilly: explain

officer Jane: well it seemed that you and that man on the side if the road were related so I did some research and figured out that he was a murderer and that he had killed your mother and brother and I knew by the looks o it he probably wanted to kill you so I took it into my hands and drove you here when you get into your foster family I will burn all your records it will be like you never existed at all so.................what do you think

I was shocked that was actually a good idea I will finally be able to be a normal teenager I won't have to worry in the middle of the night that he will sneak through my window and kill me in my sleep ect............I will be a normal girl and I will finally be able to put the past behind me and start over I can't believe it I thought this day would never come. an tear started to stream down my face I missed my mom and my brother but I knew that they were in a better place I just felt like I was forgetting that they ever existed at all like I was abandoning their memory like I was evaporating them from my mind. I put my head into my hands and cryed I had never properly grieved about my mom or my brother's deaths I had to focus on getting away from my dad at the time bit now he is nowhere to be found. then I started to lift up my head all I saw were judgemental eyes staring into my very core making me turn into a monster. little memory's kept king into my mind dripping blood ,knifes,screaming,bloodshot eyes I was scared I was changing I was slipping into the madness I was changing I was never going to be the same again silenced by the quivering shake of other people I looked up from my hand and saw blood every where everyone was dead and I knew that it was my doing I ran out of that place and that is the reason that I must never interact with people because that lingering piece of him inside of me that piece that loved the color red the screaming the horror in it's victims eyes as it plunged a knife through there heart I can't let myself do that I can't I am slowly slipping into the madness I am slowly loosing my mind. I ran and ran I knew I was changing I just had to leave I ran until I came to a cliff. I looked over the ledge as scared as a little girl who had just been woken up from the bang of lightening and couldn't go back to sleep, I thought killing myself was my only solution I thought that he would never give up and sooner or layer the madness would take over. I thought I had no choice so I jumped and as I was falling the wind was hitting my face like a million tiny needles piercing my skin I started to see the light I saw my mom and my brother and everyone who has risked   their lives for me I was in a white room and my mom stepped forward and said

Lilly's mom: honey what's wrong you've come so far why are you giving it all up now I thought you we stronger then this I thought you had courage because I know that my daughter Lilly is no quieter I know you are brave Lilly so what's wrong

I looked at her and started to cry she reached over. and wiped my tears away with her thumb I tried to speak but the words just got away from me I didn't have any answer for her question all I thought was what am I doing with my life that girl that my mom had just described is not me anymore it's like she was never real like it was all a cover up to hide what I really am a coward. I started to speak

Lilly: mom I can't do it every time I try to run it feels like I am slipping even more into the madness it feels like I am going to turn into him mom I have already killed a lot of people but it wasn't my fault the voices they told me to do it they told me to kill all those innocent people I tried to fight it but I blacked out and when I woke up all those people where dead and I had their blood on my hands mom I am scared I need help 

she was horrified she started to cry and I tried to help her but she pushed me off my brother stepped up next and spoke

Simon: Lilly I told you that you have to stay strong

Lilly: I know Simon but one person can only stay strong for so long before their armor starts to ware away.

Simon came up and hugged me so tight I miss him so much and I say miss because this seeing him now will not bring him back he is gone and after this I will never see him again Simon release me from the huge a spoke again

Simon: Lilly why are you being like this i mean you are the strongest girl I know what are you so afraid of why don't you just calm down and live your like me mom and everyone else will be watching out for you and we won't let him hurt you w..........

Lilly: I CAN'T SIMON WHY CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I HAVE TRiED SO HARD AND I hAVE CRIED SO MANY TIMES I AM JUST DONE I CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE

the room fell silent and I started to cry my hole work was crashing down right before my eyes and I can do nothing about it I was alone in the world and no one and I mean no one knew the pain I was in I looked around at the silent white room and all I saw was judgemental eyes peering into my very core ripping me apart from the inside out I fell to the ground and started to cry I just can't seem to stop crying every where I went I cried I am so mentally broken it's hurts I am so physically dead I am horrified as I thought the room started to turn black and I was back where I started falling down to my death but I remembered why stayed to fight I stayed to fight because all the love from my friends and family empowers me to be strong. now I know that love is infinite and it can never be silenced not by a hundred or even a thousand  crazy psycho murderers love will prevail and so will I.

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