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Pen Your Pride

Distract Me

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*Troye's POV*

"Troye! Wake up!" I groaned and flailed my arms out blindly, trying to scare off the annoying sibling who thought it'd be a good idea to wake me up by jumping on my bed. 

"Do you have any idea what today is?" It had better be somebody's birthday, at least then I'd get cake. I kicked out, this time successfully landing a blow to Tyde's leg. I heard him fall off the bed with a clunk and felt a little bad.

"It's your one week anniversary since your ass got dumped! Woo!" He woke me up before noon for that? I change my mind, I do not feel bad at all for kicking him to the floor.

"Get out." I growled, rolling over and burying my head into the pillows. He must have felt bad for me because, after patting me on the back and apologizing, I heard him leave the room. He was often trying to make jokes about Tyler, like I'd already reached a place where I'd be comfortable laughing at them. Truth be told, I hadn't even reached a place where I was comfortable thinking about him at all. I still cried myself to sleep nightly and I hadn't even washed my luggage from his house because I couldn't let go of his smell. Is that creepy and obsessive? Probably. But what else do I have left to hold on to?

I decided I'd been laying in bed thinking about him long enough, so I grabbed my phone and decided to check his social media sites. The weird thing is, all of this felt normal. Before I'd met Tyler this was how I spent nearly every day, pining over him even though I had absolutely no chance with him. But it was a little bit different now, considering I knew what he looked like when he orgasmed and I knew how it felt to have his tongue in my mouth. 

"Troye! Want some breakfast?" My mother called, using the same gentle tone she had been using the past week. It was like they were all scared one word could set me off, turn me into some suicidal maniac or something. It wasn't like that. There was nothing left to say that could hurt me, I was already at my worst point. I was just numb. I focused on breathing, getting through the day, and then I went back to sleep. Sleep was my salvation, it was the only place Tyler Oakley still loved me.

"No!" I shouted back flatly, hoping she'd take the hint and not bother me about it any more. She flew into me yesterday, saying she thought I was becoming anorexic just because I'd skipped a few meals this week. I wasn't, obviously, but I just didn't have the appetite I used to. She answered my silent prayer because she didn't bother me after that.

I looked back to my phone and frowned, realizing Tyler still hadn't updated any of his social media sites. It wasn't like him. Tyler is an open book with everyone, including his fans. Either he's really busy or really upset. 

But why would he be upset, Troye. He wanted this.

My own thoughts had become my worst enemy lately. I wanted to text him and make sure everything was okay, but I also didn't want to be that annoying guy that couldn't let go. I mean, I already was, but I didn't want Tyler to know that. I'd just wait another week or two, then it'd be considered normal best friend behaviour, not crazy ex boyfriend behaviour. But until then I had no idea how I was going to get by. Before now I hadn't realized just how much of my life relied on Tyler Oakley. I got up and took cute selfies for him, I stayed up late at night only to make sure I didn't miss any of his posts, and I wasted most of every day texting him. There was no plan B, no one else to fall back on. I mean, I knew lots of other people, yes, but no one that could completely captivate my thoughts enough to keep me interested in a conversation as long as he did.

Regardless, even I couldn't lay in bed all day. Well, I could, but that was when I had Tyler to keep my mind occupied and distract me from how little I really was doing. I decided I would venture outside of my room into the abyss for a change. I drug my feet along the carpet as I walked down the hallway. I imagine I looked mighty similar to a ghost, the way I was hunched over and pale as a sheet.

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