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"without you i am colorblind."
—
sooyoung has been so nice to me.
she invited me to sit with her at lunch outside on the bleachers everyday. i don't see seulgi and joohyun as often anymore, but when i pass by them in the halls they wave to me. at least they haven't forgotten me yet.
at lunch, sooyoung tells me everything, every detail of her day, as if we were best friends. she seems to care.
at least i hope she does.
because i care about her. i look forward to sitting with her at lunch and discussing whatever comes to mind.
and my favorite part is that she listens. even when i stutter, or when i can't get the words out, she doesn't wince at my flaws. she genuinely listens.
and that's how i grew to care about her more.
not only did her angelic looks draw me in, but as i learned more about her personality, i fell in love with that too.
she always puts other people first. whether it's purely being humble or she thought she was just below others, she always put everyone else before herself.
she even put me before herself. she would look after me, to make sure i wouldn't get hurt. she would always ask my how my day was going, and ask how she could help if it was going poorly. she would make sure i was eating plenty and that i always had something to eat at lunch.
but what i didn't get, is that she didn't eat.
of all the times i've seen her, i've never seen her eat anything at all.
she would take such could care of me, but couldn't seem to take care of herself?
that's what puzzled me so much.
maybe she had a financial problem at home?
whatever the problem was, i was worried. i wanted to say something, but i wasn't sure how to say it. i was afraid i'd offend her, and she wouldn't want to be my friend anymore.
sooyoung is one of the only people that cares. she makes an effort to walk with me in the hallway on the way to class. i know she cares because as we're walking, she would sometimes place her hand gently on my shoulder, as if she was afraid she'd lose me in the crowd of people.
i was also afraid of losing her.
not just in the hall, i was afraid of losing our friendship.
my friends in the past would pretend to care, and then they would leave me just like that. as if i meant nothing.
and part of me was afraid that sooyoung would do the same thing, that she would get rid of me. but another part of me knows that she wouldn't do that. my friends in the past wouldn't help me with science homework, they wouldn't meet up with me after school, and they certainly wouldn't make sure i'd taken care of myself. they weren't like sooyoung.
